1. She’s just a nice Jewish girl from the suburbs.

2. My adoration for her borders on idolatrousness.

3. She has never known the touch of a man.

4. She looks really great in that big blue scarf she always seems to be wearing.

5. She was a pleasant surprise to her aged parents, who I also like very much.

6. All I really want to do with her is sit around drinking wine and talking shit.

7. I often require her help when dealing with my absentee landlord.

8. Everybody on our block seems to know her and I just love that. <3

9. She gives great advice.

10. Whenever we go to church together, I can’t help but feel like everybody is staring at us.

- - -

My Girlfriend: 2, 3, 10
The Vigin Mary: 4, 5, 7
Both: 1, 6, 8, 9