Apple and text each other from different rooms

Starbucks and feel faux fancy

McDonald’s and shame spiral

Google and diagnose each other

Capitol One and say the tagline as an inside joke and hate yourself

Volkswagen and pretend you’re something you’re not

MasterCard and vacation

Dollar General and post-vacation

Bed Bath & Beyond and argue

Home Depot and argue

IKEA and nuclear-level argue

NPR and calm blue ocean

Soul Cycle and jointly experience what death might be like

Facebook and lie so much

Instagram and lie so, so much

Twitter and not understand things really

Target and home equity loan

Canon and say things like “Remember cameras?"

Disney and birth control

Chuck E. Cheese and birth control

Internet and birth control

Dodge Charger and midlife crisis

Walmart and wonder how this became your life

Amazon and kill your local bookseller with just your two typing fingers

Netflix and weekend plans

Netflix and all the plans

Netflix and literally chill