Session One

DR. MANSFIELD: OK, we’re going to start with a very simple exercise. Jeff, I want you to fill in the blank. In order to make this relationship better, I could …

JEFF: Um, listen more?

DR. MANSFIELD: Great. Listening is always good. OK, now, Wendy, I— Wow.


DR. MANSFIELD: Sorry, it’s just that I really like the color of that sweater. It’s very nice.

WENDY: Thank you.

JEFF: Yeah, you look great.

DR. MANSFIELD: Nice try, Jeff.

Session Two

DR. MANSFIELD: OK, Jeff. Fill in the blank. The best thing about Wendy is her …

JEFF: Smile.

DR. MANSFIELD: Try again.

JEFF: Eyes?

DR. MANSFIELD: (makes buzzer sound)

JEFF: Sense of humor.

DR. MANSFIELD: The correct answer is tits.

Session Three

DR. MANSFIELD: So let’s try a little fill in the blank, Jeff. When I get …

JEFF: Are we ever going to do anything but fill in the blanks?

DR. MANSFIELD: I’m sorry, did you graduate magna cum laude from Stanford?

JEFF: No, but I was just asking—

DR. MANSFIELD: Or maybe you have the No. 3 book on the New York Times nonfiction bestseller list?

JEFF: I’m sorry. I spoke out of turn.

DR. MANSFIELD: I’ll say you did. Just fill in the blank.


DR. MANSFIELD: When I get a prostitute, it’s because Wendy doesn’t …

JEFF: Wait. I’ve never gotten a prostitute.

DR. MANSFIELD: Please just do the exercise. When I waste money on hookers, it’s because Wendy isn’t …

JEFF: This is ridiculous.

DR. MANSFIELD: You’re ridiculous.

Session Four

DR. MANSFIELD: OK, today we are going to try some role-playing.

JEFF: Oh, no.

DR. MANSFIELD: OK, Wendy, you are going to be a Wild West saloon girl and I’ll be a cowboy. Let’s begin.

JEFF: Wait, what am I?

DR. MANSFIELD: You’re a monkey.

JEFF: Why am I a monkey?

DR. MANSFIELD: Tsk tsk. Do monkeys talk?

JEFF: Sorry.

DR. MANSFIELD: OK, now, Wendy, come over here and sit on my lap.

JEFF: No way.

DR. MANSFIELD: I’m a lonely cowboy, and I haven’t seen a woman in months. How about a kiss, beer wench?

JEFF: OK, cowboys don’t say “wench.” That’s just historically inaccurate.

DR. MANSFIELD: Please pardon my monkey. He keeps yowling. And he’s a liar.

WENDY: That’s OK. He’s cute!

DR. MANSFIELD: No, he’s not. He smells. He doesn’t make very much money. And, apparently, he doesn’t own anything other than cargo pants.

JEFF: That’s it. We’re leaving.

DR. MANSFIELD: Wait. No! Let’s try another one! I’m a priest and Wendy’s a choirgirl and Jeff is a stupid fucking idiot.

Session Five

WENDY: So, Mr. Stanley—

DR. STANLEY: Dr. Stanley.

WENDY: Sorry. Anyway, Doctor, we were a little less than satisfied with our last therapist.

JEFF: He broke into our apartment and stole a bunch of Wendy’s underwear.

DR. STANLEY: You’re angry, Jeff. And that’s OK. That’s healthy. It’s also powerful, manly, and hot.

JEFF: Um, thanks?

DR. STANLEY: Does anyone mind if I take off my pants?