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New Categories Describing the Condition of Used Books Sold On Amazon.com.
BY SASCHA COHEN
“Smells like cigarettes and includes business card of practicing metaphysician.”
“Some pages may contain Nutri-Grain bar crumbs and specks of cat litter.”
“Spine of book may have been moderately damaged during hypomanic episode.”
“Some margins may be marked with ethnic slurs and/or Pottery Barn wish lists.”
“Back cover flap appears to have been partially consumed by a goat.”
“I hid a lock of hair somewhere in this one.”
SUGGESTED READSActual Reviews Posted on amazon.com by Me, in Utter Slack-Jawed Ignorance of the Books Involved, and with Grammatical Errors Intact
by Tim Church (2/7/2000)
A Review of Ayn Rand’s The Fountainhead
by Bill Wasik (3/1/1999)
Monologue: Jeff Bezos Says Hi to You in the Waiting Room of Your Doctors’ Office
by Evan Johnston (8/1/2008)
RECENTLYA Brutally Honest Social Media Job Interview
by Sarah Fader (10/21/2016)
Monologue: Why Won’t You Kids Go to Sleep and Let Me Read Badfinger’s Wikipedia Page in Peace?
by Ben Godar (10/21/2016)
List: 20 Ways to Talk to Me About Your Home-Brewing Hobby
by Darren Hoyt (10/21/2016)
POPULARModerately Motivated Gen-Xer for Hire
by Melissa Janisin (10/18/2016)
Thanks, Cindy, for Making Eye Contact Through the Bathroom Stall and Making It Super Awkward During the Department Productivity Meeting
by Anna Kemp (10/14/2016)
Are You the Next Rock Star Social Media Manager Who’s Willing to Literally Die for Content?
by Meg Favreau (10/13/2016)