It is wise and just to remember and fear me, humans, for my presence is felt in all places. Your ledger book is but a vessel for my immanent will, my perfect volition. My face is your Accounts Receivable column; my breath is your Accounts Payable column. I am present in each debit record, each credit record.

Heed my commands, mortals, for I am Arguriologus, God of Double-Entry Accounting. From my divine cubicle atop Olympus do I watch you, responsible for those affairs of men which fall within my domain. From those heights do I see those sacrifices made to me, and by them I am well pleased. All do fear me; even Zeus Himself trembles at the mention of my name.

In truth, Zeus does often confuse me for Cleisthenes (who is God of Regional Sales Managers). I am nonetheless greatly respected, garnering positive performance reviews consistently since our emergence from the age of chaos— roiling, terrible madness—so many millennia ago.

I presently deign to address you, mortals, to steadfastly demand your oblations. The volume of sacrificial offerings receivable to me vis-à-vis the volume of wrath payable by me has declined unacceptably. Do you forget that I am the bedrock upon which your corporate accounting rests? Do you forget that the assurance of my happiness is crucial for the orderly filing of quarterly tax forms? Do you imagine, simpleton mortals, that I lack the will or power to introduce into your finances various numeric inconsistencies? O obtuse humans!

Heed this warning, O men of the Earth! Offer up to me a sacrifice befitting a god of my great stature, lest you find your financial paperwork a labyrinth unnavigable by Theseus himself. It is deeply unwise to trifle with me, for the havoc I may cause in return is difficult to imagine. Shall your accountants be unable to properly manage your affairs, surely you will fall as Troy before you. Consider this warning gravely, for the retribution of the God of Double-Entry Accounting is swift indeed!