Steven “Stevie” Sisyphus, 13
Son of Sisyphus, King of Ephyra

I wasn’t that excited to go to work with my dad. I had to get up really early. I never understood what he did before so I guess it was good to see it for myself. I got to help him. He said we had to push this huge boulder up a hill. At first, I thought it was pretty cool. My dad is super strong, but that boulder was really heavy and I thought once we got it to the top of the hill there would be someone there to take it and put it somewhere and we could go have a break and get a snack, but then the thing just rolled back to the bottom of the hill. I asked Dad, “What do we do now?” He said, “We go and push it up the hill again.” I said, “What’s to stop it from just rolling back down again?” He said, “Nothing. That’s the job. I push it up the hill and it rolls back down. Then I push it up again and it rolls back down again, all day long.” I didn’t say anything to Dad, but his job sucks. He told me that someday I’ll take over for him. “It’s the family business,” he said. I didn’t tell him, but I think I want to go to art school instead.

Euterpina, 14,
Daughter of Euterpe the Muse

My mom is one of the nine Muses, so she’s kind of a big deal. I got to watch her inspire a poet. He mostly just sat around drinking and trying to come up with a rhyme for “olive.” The day was long and boring. Mom said he wasn’t really that talented. She told me she was jealous of Calliope because she was scheduled to start working with some guy named Homer who had real potential. My mom doesn’t get to work on epic poetry though, only lyrical poetry. “Just more arbitrary, Olympian, B.S. regulations,” she said. My mom was really working hard with the olive guy though. She kept whispering in his ear, but he just kept drinking and talking smack about this other poet with his friend, a sculptor that had another Muse helping him. The sculptor was hammered too. I told Mom I don’t want to be a Muse when I grow up. I could tell she was hurt, but I said there was no way it was fair that all these drunken a-holes get to just take her ideas, especially with her getting only four obols on the drachma compared to a man’s six. I told my mom if she tried to make me become a Muse I would run off and join the Sirens.

Phobos, 14,
son of Aphrodite,
Goddess of Love

My dad is the god of war and I didn’t want to go to work with him because I thought it would be too scary. After seeing what my mom does though, I wish I’d gone off to war with him. You know how it’s weird to imagine your parents doing it? Well, imagine if your mom’s job is to make everyone in the whole world do it. It was just one big non-stop you-know-what-fest all around me all day long. You’d think a teenage boy would like it but it was awful because it was my mom that was inciting the whole thing. Everyone lost their minds around her and just started dropping their togas. I followed her at a distance, trying not to touch anything or let anyone touch me. It’s bad enough at home when she’s not on duty. My friends are always making up excuses to come over to my house just so they can stare at her. It’s gross. Mom just laughs it off and says it’s the effect she has on people, and anyway, it’s a living. You drooling animals wouldn’t know this, but my mom is really smart and funny. She could be a philosopher or a mathematician. But just because she’s really beautiful she got stuck with this disgusting job. I’m not like my brother, Eros, who seems fine with it all. I’ve seen too much already. I can’t take any more. Zeus forbid I get a girlfriend someday and then my mom shows up in her professional capacity. I love Mom but I think I’m going to go hang out with Dad at the front.

Pauli Shorianopolous, 13,
son of Momus,
the Personification of Satire

I had to get up at an ungodly hour to go to work with my dad. What? Nothing? Nice report, Phobos. You know, everyone says your mom is the most beautiful creature in the universe, but try telling that to Narcissus, am I right? Hello? These are the jokes, demi-gods. This crowd stinks. Anyway, I went to work with my dad and he’s honestly not that funny. I mean, people seem to love what he does, but it goes over my head. I keep telling Pop he’ll get a bigger following if he just broadens the humor a bit. He kept telling me how important satire is but I’m not into subtlety. I’m edgy. I want explosive humor. Like my bit about how much water gets displaced by Archimedes’ dick. What? I can’t say dick in class? Anyhow, my dad being in the business definitely gives me an inside track. I’m going to ask if I can open for him the next time he goes on the road. I’m working on a killer bit about Pythagoras. I’ve just got to figure out the right angle. Ha! See what I did there? What is this? An audience or a mosaic? You guys don’t appreciate genius. I’ll be working amphitheaters in no time.