I know I am new to this gang, chaps, and most of you don’t know me, but sometimes it takes an outsider with fresh eyes to see what’s really going on. And what I see here is you lot being taken for a ride. Fagin can’t rip you off like this anymore, chaps. This is labor abuse, plain and simple and it WILL NOT stand. There is power in numbers, and we have it. The ball is in our court, chaps. We have demands and we will have them met! We will all have second helpings of gruel! Do you hear that? Every single one of us. With salt and a side crust of bread too! When we steal a wallet or a pocket watch, we won’t have to turn it over and never see a penny. No, siree, no. We will get a fixed percentage of everything we steal. Learn that chaps, fixed percentage! And when he asks us to work into the morning after a long night of stealing, well, gentlemen, I am about to introduce a concept that will blow your minds-overtime. That’s right, we get paid extra, for working extra. Otherwise, we strike. No more pickpocketing. Just think what this city would be without adorable half-starved orphans robbing you blind. Or worse yet, imagine some non-union scabs, some middle-class punks playing at being poor try it. It would never be the same. You can’t get the level of pathos right without really living on the streets. That big-eyed starved look? They don’t got it, chaps, we do. This city would shut down without us liberating the odd shilling or bracelet. Those of you that can read, open any guidebook to London and there we are, prominently mentioned right at the beginning, know before you go! It’s us they have to know, before they go, chaps, us! We ARE London. And we deserve better. Better hours, better food, better beds and better pay! So who is with me? Unionize and from now on, when you ask, “Please, sir, I want some more,” the answer will always be YES!
February 23, 2016