Our cutting-edge lemonade stand harnesses the insight of artificial intelligence to help us understand our customers’ needs like never before. We’re confident this next-gen technology was a valuable investment for our twenty-five-cent children’s drink business.

Before we opened our lemonade stand, we asked ourselves, what do our customers want? We immediately said lemonade, because that’s all we can offer as a pair of nine-year-olds, but then we had to think of some other stuff because our parents told us to use a full hour to answer that question.

So we talked mindlessly and wasted time looking up words we heard adults at home use, like “scalability,” “machine learning,” and “Malcolm Gladwell.” In the end, we determined that our business (the one constructed out of milk crates and posterboard) needed the unproven and expensive power of AI. Our parents said we were behaving exactly like real-life entrepreneurs.

Our AI learns from our past business. For example, it saw that our first three customers bought cups of lemonade, the only thing we sell. Without any human intervention, it’s able to scientifically deduce that the next customer (usually an adult who failed to avoid eye contact) will purchase one cup of lukewarm lemonade (again, the only thing we sell) from an Igloo Cooler we dragged out of the garage that’s now absolutely cookin’ in the summer heat. Its advanced prediction model has a 100 percent success rate.

Our lemonade stand AI also learns from other lemonade stands all across the world, from lemonade stands a few streets over, to far-off lemonade stands a few streets over in the other direction.

Using proprietary algorithms based on basic common sense, it determined our best chance at financial solvency was selling lemonade at our lemonade stand. Or asking our parents for ten more dollars in seed money, which apparently is also exactly what real-life entrepreneurs do.

We know some people, like almost everyone who comes to our lemonade stand, wonder why we need to utilize a billion-dollar industry for a single-afternoon pop-up business. Well, it’s like the old saying: If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it, and if it’s a stereotypical exercise for American children to learn financial responsibility, then add a very dubious and over-hyped technology to the mix. At least that’s what we keep hearing from our dads (Silicon Valley angel investors for tech start-ups).

We’re confident AI will allow our lemonade stand to thrive, and if it doesn’t, then I guess we’ll have wasted time, money, and resources on a moonshot idea hawked by hucksters and bought by rubes (and also two nine-year-old children). Looks like we’re modern-day entrepreneurs after all.