It’s only been two months since this new presidency began, and already my faith in historical progress is being tested. I feel powerless while the institutions I once took for granted are crumbling before my eyes. Also, I’m super late for work, and I cannot find my keys anywhere.

This morning, I woke up an hour before my alarm and could not resist the urge to start reading the news. A righteous anger swelled up inside me as I read about how our nation is slowly backtracking on its core values. The rich are going to get richer while the poor are going to suffer, and seriously where did I put my keys? I swear they were in my coat pocket yesterday, but I’ve looked through all the pockets in all of my coats. There’s nothing in them. Nothing!

It’s just so frustrating to think about how our elected leaders are wantonly rolling back financial protections in order to enrich themselves and their friends. Damnit, the keys are not in the bedroom either. I even checked under the mattress. And Congress is making it easier for polluters to dump chemicals into our rivers and streams. Jesus Christ, I’ve looked everywhere for these keys already. I haven’t been able to concentrate for days, and now it’s the keys. The keys, of all things! As Donald Trump and the Republican congress slowly chip away at our basic principles, more bad things were bound to happen, and it happened to me, and it was my keys.

I wish I could call my keys, like a cell phone. Then I’d never lose them. And, believe it or not, the president once again instituted a travel ban from six majority-Muslim countries and stopped admitting refugees — refugees, for chrissakes! I have mixed views about immigration rules, but we won’t even help the most vulnerable people in the world? Let me retrace my steps: the last time I had my keys was yesterday evening, when I came home from work, and I put them on the counter. Well, they’re not on the counter. They’re not in the bedroom. They can’t be in the bathroom because I was too busy this morning looking for my keys and reading about the death of public education to even brush my teeth.

Maybe Tania took the wrong pair of keys when she left for Chicago; no, that’s not possible, her keys are gone, too. Did I not come home last night? How did I get here? How did we, as a nation, get here? We are at an inflection point in the course of our nation’s history, and I literally cannot leave the house because I won’t be able to get back in.

Only Bernie Sanders can save us. Only Bernie Sanders can save me. I feel like if the Democrats had nominated Bernie, I’d remember exactly where I put my keys.

Seriously, where the hell are they? I can’t believe it’s already lunchtime — I’m calling in sick. But what if I were really sick? Obamacare isn’t perfect, but the proposed GOP alternative will strip more than 20 million people of their health insurance. My own health care will be in jeopardy, my personal finances shakier than ever, and my core belief in the American dream permanently destroyed. And I still won’t have my keys.