At Taco Hut, we’re all about extreme flavor. But not just any flavor. We’re about bold, over-the-top, adventurous flavor that takes the world by storm. Flavor you’re not ready for, and probably won’t even like because it hurts and makes you sweat way too much.
That’s right, hombre, you’d better saddle up because you’re about to ride your horse straight into Flavor Town. But we’re not talking about a regular horse that eats hay and calmly trods down the boring, beaten path most other quick service restaurants take you down. At Taco Hut, you’ll be taking a ride on a wild, crazy stallion that foams at the mouth and behaves erratically because it is afflicted with a very serious horse disease.
Once you’re here, you’ll be thankful we have ample seating in our restaurants because this is the kind of flavor you’re gonna want to sit down for. Because Taco Hut’s tacolicious flavor is about to rock your world, blow your lid, and knock your socks off. And then, when you’re barefoot and vulnerable, our bold, innovative blend of herbs and spices will run back and unexpectedly kick you in the dick.
But flavor’s not done with you yet.
While you’re still writhing in pain and clutching your bruised genitals, it’ll take an unflattering picture of you and send it to that girl you like. Then it’ll take her to prom in a Camaro with cool flame decals on the side. That’s just how our flavor rolls. It’s the kind of unforgettable dining experience that’ll leave you curled up and shaking in a position we like to call a “scared flavor ball.”
So get used to it. Flavor’s here, and it’s not going to apologize. Even though it probably should because it seems like it’s being really mean for no reason.
It’s all part of a development our marketing department likes to call “hyper-real” flavor. Based on our brand pillars of spiciness, tacovation, and fear, it’s a daring, wildly irresponsible flavor experiment that will make you taste colors, hear feelings, and speak in riddles. It’s the kind of experience that will leave you wondering “what did I do to deserve this?” and “did someone slip acid into this guacamole?” And here at Taco Hut, we can assure you that the answers to these questions will always be “something very bad” and “yes” because we don’t play by the rules, and our employees don’t exactly “pass” background checks.
So don’t be surprised when this too bold for comfort flavor isn’t easily extinguished. We guarantee it’ll linger long after the fiesta is over, and after a few months, will start to feel like it’s really overstaying its welcome. But you’ll feel awkward asking it to leave, so you’ll end up getting into a heated argument about it with your spouse in the guest bathroom. It’s daring, it’s brave, and it’s the kind of flavor that will make you want to shout from the rooftops “there is a Taco Hut employee we don’t even know in our house right now and he’s being very aggressive.”
It’s just the kind of flavor you simply can’t ignore. Mostly because of its loud, constant screaming. Which is actually pretty unnerving because you’re supposed to be the one with the mouth, right? But that’s just how bold this flavor is. Bold enough to transport you to a nightmarish bizarro world where you are the one who is food. It’s flavor that consumes you, so don’t even try to run. Your legs have already been eaten.
Some people might say we’ve taken this whole bold flavor thing a bit too far, that we’ve lost control of our own product and have created some kind of horrible flavor monster. And to those people we say: “You are 100% correct.” In retrospect, it’s clear we’ve made a huge and very dangerous mistake. In fact, many of us within the Taco Hut organization are becoming concerned for our personal safety and the safety of our families. Just last week, our very own CMO was assaulted by our authentic Mexican flavor in the form of a renegade chalupa. He is still technically alive, but his mind is gone. Now he’s just an extra crispy shell of his former self.
Honestly, we’re pretty surprised that our legal department didn’t flag a lot of this stuff before it went to market. Our tortilla chips contain actual glass and our five-alarm salsa melts most types of bone. This isn’t the kind of flavor experience you should take lightly. We encourage you think long and hard before entering into what some have described as a “flavor horror,” and also require that you sign a liability waiver, because Taco Hut flavor is the kind of flavor that changes you. After one bite, you won’t even know who you are anymore, and won’t want to, because of the heavy shame and life-long bed-wetting side effects.
But if you’re the kind of person who’s willing to throw caution to the wind and grab life by the horns, we invite you to stop by your nearest Taco Hut anytime. Some of our tacos have recently sprouted very sharp horns and we could use help handling them.