A lot of thought went into the concept and design of our space and we can’t wait to share it with you.

First, we wanted the restaurant to feel vast and spacious, so we did an open-ceiling concept as the raw industrial warehouse look is “in.” Our ceiling measures approximately four and a half LeBron Jameses stacked on top of each other. We didn’t bother adding any soundproofing or insulation and left a few wires hanging for authenticity and not because our electrician quit.

We wanted to create a cozy and intimate atmosphere where you feel inclined to have those deep soul-bearing talks with your lover over drinks. The high ceiling acoustics create a perfect echo chamber that amplifies everyone’s voices into a cacophony of tone-deaf choruses so you can have a truly private conversation, so private that the person sitting next to you can’t hear it even though you’re shouting in their face.

We thought it would be nice to blast actual music to add to the ambiance, so we installed a state-of-the-art sound system. We play Top 40 hits as loud as it allows to show you that we totally know what the Top 40s hits are these days. Also, we have live music nightly, alternating between smooth jazz and hardcore punk, because we want you to feel mellow but also like you’re at a rager. Don’t worry, we don’t turn off the Top 40 hits.

Did we mention there are twenty TVs in the bar area in the center of the space showing every game that’s happening at this very moment with the sound on?

We know that everyone loves fancy restaurants and what’s fancier than a chandelier? We thought that in order for us to justify the sky-high prices of our below-average beer and cocktails, we need to have a minimum of five chandeliers. As you can see, half of our space features beautiful, ornate chandeliers creating the feel of a high-end romantic restaurant where you would take your lover for a special occasion.

But, sometimes, you might be here with your bros or gal pals and want to party like it’s 1999 or like you’re in a jungle, so “welcome to the jungle, we got fun and games.” Well, we don’t have games (yet) but we do have jungle plants on the other side of the restaurant. Jungle plants are nature’s chandeliers.

Since we’re all about design, we knew it was important to connect our two motifs, that’s why you’ll notice that a few jungle plants have crept across the ceiling and intertwined with some of our chandeliers (and a bit of the electrical wiring). Don’t worry, it’s not a safety hazard, we don’t think. Honestly, we didn’t expect the vines to spread, but this way, we have one streamlined, elegant, fancy, yet down-to-earth aesthetic. It all ties together. Literally.

We know that good lighting is key for setting the mood. That’s why we kept the lighting dim in certain spots, like over all the tables where you’re looking at the menus, and installed 100,000-lumen spotlights over the entire bar area so you can properly see your lover’s every pore as you woo them.

Just like the design, our food is delightfully approachable with a surprising upscale element. We take high-end foods (that go well with our chandeliers) and deep fry them to make them appeal to everyday regular diners with a discerning taste. For example, you can nosh on our deep-fried Beluga caviar or sample our Annie’s Mac and Cheese foie gras churros. We also have champagne on tap, because opening real bottles of bubbly with their flying corks is too dangerous for the chandeliers, which cost an arm and a leg.

If you need to powder your nose, our bathrooms are a pure oasis. We’ve made sure to keep the style of the bathrooms similar to the restaurant, and not because the jungle vines somehow found their way in there as well. We pipe in the eardrum-piercing music from the restaurant, so you feel like you’re still participating in the fun while peeing.

Oh, did we mention that we brew our own beer? We are, first and foremost, a brewery—you can take a guided tour on Tuesdays and Thursdays and learn all about our unique process. We specialize in syrup-flavored beers, so we’re like the Starbucks of beer.

So, what are you waiting for? Book your reservation on OpenTable today. You will love our ambiance and our aesthetic. You can find us in the “high-end restaurant,” “dive bar,” “fine dining,” “brewery,” “casual dining,” “romantic date spot,” “live music,” “good for large groups,” “cozy gastropub,” and “lively sports bar” categories. And please make sure to specify whether you’d like to be seated under a chandelier or in the jungle.