Our moisture-wicking Microfiber Hoody will keep out the chill as you sink your ice-axe into a frozen waterfall — or as you stand paralyzed by indecision before your open freezer, debating whether to bake fish sticks or reduced-fat taquitos for your children’s dinner.

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We designed our Bivouac 800-Fill Down Sleeping Bag to withstand sub-zero temps, so you can stay toasty in a hanging tent suspended from a Himalayan rock face. Alternately, fling the sleeping bag over your curtain rod to block out sunlight when you get a MSG migraine from eating half a bag of Cool Ranch Doritos.

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Sport the Lightweight Racerback Tank while bouldering in the Volcanic Tablelands, cliff jumping in Kauai, or standing in line at CVS to refill your antidepressants.

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You’ll be grateful for our LED Headlamp whether lost in a subterranean cavern or the pages of a water-damaged library book.

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Refuel at pitch 17 of a grueling free-climb with our Grass-Fed Buffalo Jerky. Or stash it in the battered briefcase you mended with dental floss and gnaw off hunks in the stairwell to stabilize your blood sugar between sections of English 105.

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Designed for hardcore mountaineering, Snowsquall Socks also defend your feet from errant LEGOs when nighttime anxiety compels you to confirm that your children are, indeed, still breathing.

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Wear our Undercling Compression Bra while deep-water soloing 50 feet above the azure seas of Mallorca, or while nervously confronting the mom whose minivan keeps blocking the drop-off zone at Little Elephant Montessori Preschool.

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Crux Climbing Gloves are perfect for testing your grip strength on a dihedral finger crack in Joshua Tree National Park — or protecting you from carpal tunnel as you write and delete the same sentence 312 times.

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Our 32-oz vacuum-insulated Stainless Steel Water Bottle will keep you hydrated while hiking all 2,166 miles of the Appalachian Trail. Or use it to make loud clattering sounds while passive-aggressively loading the dishwasher.

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When you incite a snowball fight in an ice storm, our 100% Merino Wool Beanie will defend your head from high-impact sleet. And when your preschooler binge-watches Daniel Tiger’s Neighborhood, our beanie will muffle Prince Wednesday’s grating verbal tics.

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Wear our quick-drying Aloha Tankini while frolicking on the sun-kissed sands of an alpine lake. Or wear it to a water aerobics class, hoping that doing aquatic straddle hops next to a grandma with a hip replacement will build your athletic self-esteem. Alas, when it comes time for the water-lunge relay, the grandma is faster than you. Everyone is faster than you. You complete the final lap alone, water-lunging, water-lunging, water-lunging, until Grandma welcomes you to the finish line with a tender, inclusive, high five.

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Glide comfortably amidst the half-melted glacier chunks of Iceland’s Jökulsárlón Lagoon in our Neoprene Hooded Wetsuit. Or use it to insulate your body as you lay prone and depleted on the linoleum while your children clamber over you like feral puppies. This supple yet sturdy suit will thwart both your preschooler’s attempt to style your hair and your toddler’s bid to sneak intermittent sips of breastmilk. In our wetsuit, your boundaries are intact. Your body is your own.

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Stuff our water-resistant Durable Duffel with all your gear for rafting the class IV rapids of Idaho’s Salmon River. Or fill it with sixteen tubs of your favorite yogurt when it goes on sale at Grocery Outlet. Heave the duffel over your shoulder and gingerly navigate the three blocks home, pushing your preschooler in the stroller and lugging your shrieking, scratching, toddler in the front pack. When you unzip the duffel, note that one yogurt tub has spilled, coating the others. Rinse yogurts in the sink and line them, dripping, in the back of your fridge. Squint at “best-by” date. Realize all yogurts expire tomorrow.

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After topping out on the Northwest face of Half Dome, perform celebratory sun salutations in our Spandex Shavasana Crop Pants. Or wear them while NPR informs you of the latest atrocities of foreign war as you sit in traffic. Imagine a refugee mother fleeing a smoldering city, limp baby in arms. In your rearview mirror, your own toddler is zonked out in her car seat, red-cheeked and chubby. Think of Checkov’s claim that every happy man should have someone with a little hammer at his door to knock and remind him that there are unhappy people, and that, however happy he may be, life will sooner or later show its claws. There is so much yogurt in your fridge.

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Breathable Thermal Bottoms provide the low-bulk insulation backcountry skiers crave! They also work as pajamas.