For paleo women:

“Are you paleo? Because you are activating my nuts.”

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For vegan women:

“Are you vegan? Because you are really activating my nuts, in a conscious and sustainable manner.”

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For women who aren’t really paleo or vegan, but are trying to reduce their dietary load of phytic acid, and have read that activating nuts, as our wise ancestors apparently did, reduces their phytic acid content:

“Are you trying to reduce your dietary load of phytic acid? Because you are so activating my nuts right now. Just like your ancestors did.”

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For women who just don’t do dairy for any number of valid reasons, and aren’t so much into soy, but they like making quality drinks at home from nuts they soaked the night before, in warm, preferably filtered water, in order to activate them for higher protein assimilability or just freshen them up a bit:

“Hey, did you also read that recipe book by the lady with the unwavering stare who gives nutritional tips in between bursts of writing about how everyone else in the health world is against her, and did you find it as wonderfully compelling and informative as I did? Because it looks like she’s getting both of us to activate our nuts.”

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For women who just used to using coconut milk, because they’re from the Philippines or somewhere like that, where coconut milk is a staple and a significant export product:

“Are you from the Philippines or somewhere else like that where they produce a lot of coconut milk? Because you are activating my nuts as if it was a domestic staple where you come from! Not to mention a significant export product. And yes, I am aware that coconut does not activate when you soak it. I just thought if you were into one kind of plant-based milk, you might enjoy milks such as almond milk, whose component nuts can certainly be activated. Like mine are, right now! And unlike coconut meat, obviously. I’m not a moron. Jeez.”

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For strictly kosher women who would drink dairy milk, but only if it meets a certain level of religious supervision, and therefore, when there’s a shortage of that specially supervised dairy milk, would drink only nut milk, or just go without for a while. Because holding by one’s own code of integrity, whatever that may be, is also healthy, according to some people:

“Was there no milk in the kosher supermarket today that met your standards of religious supervision? That must be why you’re activating my nuts right now, in a way that upholds those rabbinical standards I know you like.”

NOTE: If you’re feeling really confident and looking for extra credit, go ahead and recite the Hebrew blessing for drinking liquids.

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For anyone else:

“Are you the kind of girl who likes to soak raw, whole nuts that haven’t been treated to stop them from activating? Because just being around you I’m anticipating all kinds of benefits, from better mineral bioavailability to quicker digestion and less bloating, apparently, if that was ever an issue when it comes to nuts. And you know I’m talking about truly raw, germinable nuts, which in the case of almonds here in the US, means having to get the ones imported from Italy, because of this stupid law! I guess my point is, you make my balls all tingly, and nuts are way better for you once they’ve been soaked, or so I’ve read, though doing it at home requires some patience. Personally, I think that trying to find fresh whey to help with the soaking is kind of a waste of time, but hey, maybe it’s nice, if you’re into that? Actually, wait, that was two points. But really, come on, who just has fresh whey just lying around the house? And wouldn’t that defeat the whole idea of — anyway, WHOOO!! My nuts!”

NOTE: Remember to be respectful and above all, have fun. And feel free to play around with the wording of these until it feels natural to you. Truly, the possibilities for great conversation are as endless as the list of amazing qualities that properly-soaked nuts, apparently, have — though they often taste oddly bland compared to regular nuts. Maybe because of all that soaking?