“When asked if a female president would have better handled the coronavirus pandemic, the 2016 Democratic presidential nominee said, ‘I have no doubt, especially if it were me. I have no doubt. I mean, I was born for that.”
The Hill, 10/25/20

- - -

(President Hillary Rodham Clinton stands at the White House Press Room podium.)

PRESIDENT CLINTON: … And we will continue to work closely with my good friend, Dr. Anthony Fauci, and the CDC to try to get this third wave of the Coronavirus under control. Are there any questions?

(She closes her three-inch binder labeled PANDEMIC PREPAREDNESS PLANWELLESLEY COLLEGE SENIOR THESIS, 1969 and sets it aside next to her other three-inch binders.)

NYT REPORTER: Madam President, the election is a week away and the Coronavirus death toll now stands at over 5,000. Candidate Donald Trump recently tweeted, “The Rhodam Rona is the greatest scandal in American history. Killary Killinton must be voted out. Totally incompetent!” Many Senate Republicans are now calling for a fifth impeachment trial. How do you respond to that?

CLINTON: Well, as I’ve said repeatedly, we would have seen much fewer cases if Republican governors had chosen to comply with the nationwide mask mandate I put in place on February 1st. There’s only so much that millions of highly accurate COVID-19 tests and legions of contact tracers can do when some people simply refuse to wear masks.

WAPO REPORTER: Does that mean you refuse to take responsibility for the hundreds of attendees that have been infected at Donald Trump’s rallies throughout the summer and fall?

CLINTON: Considering we put giant signs outside the arenas that said DO NOT ATTEND THESE RALLIES! THEY ARE AGAINST THE LAW, PLUS YOU COULD DIE!, yes, I refuse to take responsibility.

WAPO REPORTER: But isn’t their defiance of the law more of a reflection on your lack of leadership than anything else?

CLINTON: Next question.

FOX NEWS REPORTER: Mrs. Bill Clinton, what do you say to the dozens of Americans who have lost their jobs due to this pandemic?

CLINTON: Look, I’m not sure what else there is to say. After the Red Wave of 2018, Republicans control three-fourths of the House and Senate. They ratified the 28th Amendment barring a female president from issuing executive orders, and the 29th Amendment expanding the Supreme Court to 13, allowing them to further erode the powers of the executive branch thanks to Justices Kavanaugh, Giuliani, Hannity, and Nugent, who were appointed by a veto-proof majority. The only reason I’m even still in office is because, during the Comey Investigation and the fourth impeachment trial, the only instance of voter fraud they managed to find after the 2016 election was one man in Vermont that successfully cast a vote for Jill Stein on behalf of his cat. And even then, the impeachment vote barely failed (thank you, Senator Romney). Also, don’t even get me started on the first impeachment trial (Benghazi), the second impeachment trial (my private email server), and the third impeachment trial (wearing an eggshell pantsuit after Labor Day). The point is, for the past four years, I’ve been stymied at every turn, my legislative agenda has been cut off at the knees, and even with all of that interference, I’ve still managed to keep the Coronavirus death toll well below that of most countries. Considering all of that, I’d say I’ve done a pretty decent job.

CNN REPORTER: Then how do you respond to candidate Trump’s tweet that quote, “COVID Clinton is the worst president in the history of the United States. Even Cheatin’ Obama was better. Sad!”

CLINTON: Next question.

CNN REPORTER: And what about the latest polls showing you trailing candidate Trump by 32 points?

CLINTON: Next question.

WSJ REPORTER: Will you accept the election results even though mail-in voting has been made illegal in 38 states and millions have been purged off of voter rolls for minor technicalities?

CLINTON: Of course. Faith in our elections is one of the few remaining pillars of our democracy.

NEW YORK POST REPORTER: But you know you’re totally going to lose, right?

CLINTON: Yeah, I’ve pretty much accepted that.