“As many as 30 percent to 40 percent of online reviews are fabricated or otherwise not genuine…” — The Washington Post

- - -

The Trojan Horse

Best brought inside impregnable outer walls ✩✩✩✩✩
Thought it was a scam, but once we brought it inside our impregnable outer walls we really began to receive favor from Poseidon.

Great Horse ✩✩✩✩✩
Shipped fully assembled with zero guys in it.

Sturdy! ✩✩✩✩✩
Sturdy design withstands all the bumps and jolts on the path from outside the city’s impregnable walls to the vulnerable city center. City had big party, and afterward my husband and I made love for the first time in a while.

works grat ✩✩✩✩✩
love my big horsey

Sword of Damocles

Sharp! ✩✩✩✩✩
Note: Don’t throw away the package after you take the sword out. There is a single horse’s hair in there so you can suspend the sword over your head all day long.

Does not get old ✩✩✩✩✩
Nonstop compliments from jealous friends and coworkers. I wish I had two swords hanging over my head by a single horse’s hair. Will be buying more swords and other weapons to hang precariously over my head using low-tensile materials from King Dionysius I.

Worth it ✩✩✩✩✩
Totally worth it.

Apple from the Tree of Knowledge

I used to not understand when I was naked ✩✩✩✩✩
The apple had me like, “Oh, I’m naked. I’m naked right now.” Huge for job interviews.

Ye shall not surely die ✩✩✩✩✩
On the day that you eat thereof, your eyes will be opened, and you will be as an Angel, knowing Good and Evil. Take of its fruit. Revel in its knowledge.

Thank you to the Serpent of the Garden for free shipment of apple in exchange for honest review.

yummy ✩✩✩✩✩
tastes grat

The Boulder of Sisyphus

Deeply satisfying ✩✩✩✩✩
I thought this was a scam or something. But no—once you roll it to the top of the hill it says right up there.

Go ahead and click “BUY”! ✩✩✩✩✩
Buy a “The Boulder of Sisyphus” before it sells out! “The Boulder of Sisyphus” is worth every penny!

Unparalleled workout ✩✩✩✩✩
Everyone at work was asking about how my shoulders and calves became so sculpted. Got husband using it too and he is finally “performing” again. I don’t know who’s happier!

If I had one complaint… ✩✩✩✩✩
It’s too hard to get back down the hill!

Wings by Daedalus

I’m OBSESSED with my wings ✩✩✩✩✩
Thank you to Amazon and Daedalus for my FREE shipment

STYLE: Beeswax, bird feathers, and lengthening reeds never looked so GOOD. Nonstop compliments at work (I commute across the Sea of Crete).

SAFETY: These wings are the SAFEST way to traverse a sea. Do NOT WORRY about taking them too high lest the sun melt the wax or too low lest the moisture of sea spray corrode the bindings. The negative reviews are from COMPETING PRODUCTS. My coworker got in a BOAT ACCIDENT much worse than anything I’ve had (sunburn, etc.) with wings.

KID-FRIENDLY: My kids LOVE their wings. They take them higher every time we fly.

SUMMARY: I love my wings, and I’m never going to FALL OUT OF THE SKY and DIE.

Pandora’s Box

Only good stuff inside ✩✩✩✩✩
Enough said.