Reasons Selected Relationships With Women Have Failed, in Autobiographical Order, From Fifth Grade to Present - McSweeney’s Internet Tendency

Internet Tendency

Daily humor almost every day since 1998.

Daily humor almost every day since 1998.

The Believer has returned

Subscribe today to climb aboard this unstoppable train of a literary journal.

Braces

Acne

An older guy whose dad gave him a Porsche

Beer

Naps

The 2000 presidential election

Al Qaeda

Selfishness, vodka

John Kerry

Unemployment

Time-space continuum

Failures

Please help support our writers and keep our site ad-free by becoming a patron today!

Become a patron

Suggested Reads

February 22, 2012

Diary Of My Failed Antarctic Expedition

by Tom O’Donnell
April 23, 2012

Failure Map

by Fielden Nelson
March 28, 2005

Failed Soft-Drink Product Names

by Rob Eccles
July 19, 2006

Failed NASA Space Programs

by Jonathan Shipley

Trending 🔥

May 25, 2023

A Day in the Life of a Woke Third-Grade Teacher, as Imagined by a Far-Right Politician

by Ashley Ingle
March 19, 2018

I’m Going to Close This Deal Using Business Words I’ve Heard Men Yell in Airports

by Wendi Aarons
May 25, 2023

I’m Your Mom Playing a Video Game, and I Will Turn This Avatar Right Around If You Don’t Watch Your Tone of Voice

by Audrey Burges
May 18, 2023

HBO’s Sensitivity Reading for Entourage

by Max Davison

Recently

June 5, 2023

Dogs Named After MBTA Stations

by Dan Smolinsky
June 5, 2023

A Letter from the New Corporate Owners of Hooper’s Store

by Owen Morris
June 2, 2023

How to Find Your Size in Blue Jeans

by Tori Multon
June 2, 2023

Our Seventh-Grade Band Concert Tickets Are Now for Sale on Live Nation

by Jonathan Weisberg