“I am often written but rarely read. You spend hours changing me, but I am always the same. I discuss all your accomplishments, but make you feel like a failure. What am I?”
A Cover Letter

“I am filled with experts, but say nothing useful. I exist to help, yet offer only stress. I am right next to you, but impossible to find. What am I?”
The Office of Career Services

“I am the most difficult thing you have ever done, yet I am the product of laziness. I am the most valuable thing you own, yet I am worthless. What am I?”
A Degree in English Literature

“I am the most important thing you can learn, yet I am not taught in any class. I am the only way to get a job, but I have nothing to do with your ability to do a job. I am inevitably forced and awkward, yet must always seem relaxed and natural. What am I?”

“You must already have me in order to get me. I am almost always required but almost never actually needed. What am I?”
Previous Relevant Experience

“The people who need me don’t have me. The people who have me don’t need me. What am I?”
Paid Internship Opportunities

“I cannot be held, but I am constantly felt. I am the source of all your problems, but also the result of all your problems. What am I?”
Crippling Anxiety

“I am filled with impressive words, yet I say nothing impressive. What am I?”
Your Thesis

“I am both deathly terrifying and exceedingly boring. I am both a series of letters whose meaning is unimportant, and a number whose meaning will define the rest of your life. I include many games but am in no way fun. What am I?”

“You got me for free, but I am impossibly expensive. I was supposed to help you make money, but now I take away your money. You were told I would be temporary, but I will never go away. What am I?”
Student Loans

“I was only ever high before weed entered the picture. What am I?”
Your GPA