PUTIN: An excellent repast, Timofy Farewellkin. I hope you enjoyed dining in my private room here at the Ararat Hyatt, my favorite hotel in Moscow. The head chef is a personal friend of mine.

FAREWELLKIN: Very nice. Though I might have enjoyed the meal more without one hand manacled to my chair.

PUTIN: And the chef was most impressed to learn that my dining partner this evening was none other than the author of the best-selling political exposé Hey, Josef. As all the world now knows from your book, the Putin regime is led by former KGB assassins, and lost perhaps for good are many freedoms that ordinary Russians enjoyed under Stalin. I propose a shot. (Pours vodka.)

FAREWELLKIN: I don’t drink, Mr. President.

PUTIN: A different shot, then. (Holds up a gun and shoots Farewellkin in the chest, killing him.) Check, please.