7. Stan Conley

A Marshville basher. Uses the phrase “hick town” a lot, but not in the friendly, self-deprecating way the rest of us do. Either work on your sarcasm, Stan, or get the hell out. No one’s forcing you to live here.

6. Bob Hendricks

On 9/11, while a lot of us were watching the TV in Harvey’s Bar, Bob remarked that he went to New York City once, as a kid. Everyone was paying too much attention to the TV to hear him, and he shut his mouth quick when he realized what he said. But I heard him. And I haven’t forgotten.

5. Andy Shaw

Went to the community college over in Springdale for a semester and a half before flunking out and taking a job at the hardware store. Probably considers himself one of the cultural elite.

4. Christopher Redding

Gets mad when people call him Chris.

3. Frank Anderson

FRANK: Hey, do you mind if I borrow your shovel?

ME: Help yourself. It’s in the garage.

FRANK: Thanks.

Frank has not returned this shovel, and this shovel is a good shovel and I want it in my garage.

2. Burt Summers

Quit playing bocce; said the shoes hurt his shins. He could still come to the court and cheer us on, but instead he stays home and reads. Books!

1. Mike Morgan

Too close for comfort.