Bit my fingernails.
Borrowed someone else’s bathing suit.
Cursed at strangers.
Entertained sexual fantasies about the dry cleaner.
Failed to appreciate the beauty of nature.
Falsified documents.
Feigned interest.
Laughed at inappropriate moments.
Left teabags in the sink.
Left the house with holes in my underwear.
Misspelled my own name.
Opened someone else’s mail.
Prayed to the cast of Family Ties.
Pretended to be foreign when it suited me.
Shared a can of soda while coming down with a cold.
Slept past noon.
Spilled without wiping.
Stole pages from phone books.
Vandalized sports equipment.
Wore mismatched socks, knowingly.