Cafe de’ Bean – 8:45 AM

I was on my way to work when I saw him: dark hair, glasses, but I didn’t really notice the particulars, because I immediately became blindsided by the things of beauty he held in his hands, and his surroundings. He was sitting at the most perfectly adorable café in a wicker chair, and tiny table, upon which sat what can only be described as God’s magical bean potion, in a French Press. He held a cup made of beautiful porcelain, filled with the steaming concoction. There was even a cute ceramic creamer and some sugar cubes in a bowl on the table. I had to clutch the top of a nearby bench to get a hold of myself. He held a newspaper in his other hand, and combined, he had everything I ever wanted on a Monday morning. My mission became clear, that coffee would be mine, no matter the odds.

Beaches Ice Cream Shoppe – 2:45 PM

I was out running a horribly boring errand, after going to the pharmacy, and the gas station. It was a three errand afternoon. I was walking to my local post office when I passed the Beaches Ice Cream Shoppe. It was there that I saw them through the window: a man and woman, who I found so delectable, and so alluring, that I was frozen in my tracks. It was everything I’ve ever wanted. In that moment I was a vacant shell of a human being. My needs were never so clear, so visible. The roundish shape of the double scoops, and the heavenly, oversized cones were magnificent. I watched as they ate two enormous, creamy, chocolate chip and what looked like brownie filled ice cream cones. They opened their mouths and took a bite, a lick, smiling to each other as they lived their best lives. I knew I had to have one.

La Isla Bonita – 3:30PM

I was in La Isla Bonita on a girls weekend, having a great time with no responsibilities. Between sleeping in, lots of wine, and croquetas, we had it made. I was only there for a day and a half when I spotted a curvy, sweet, and spicy looking object of desire on the beach. Dressed up with limes, jalapeños (!) and cute umbrellas, my eyes had never imagined trying such a thing. But hey, I was away from normal life, why not go a little wild. A guy was holding this frozen, curvy thing of beauty in his hand, and he really seemed to be enjoying each pink slurp from his straw. He also seemed to be really relaxed with his speedo, and six-pack abs, chilling on his beach chair, but I wasn’t exactly paying that close of attention. I took lighting quick notice of him again though, when the waiter came by to order him another. I let out a noise that could only be described as a yelp, as I lunged for the waiter, imploring him to please go acquire one of those beautiful, spicy, icy, tropical things.

Leslie’s House – 10:00PM

We had all been out for Leslie’s bachelorette party — dinner at a local wine bar — and we had descended on her house afterwards for something her maid of honor, Susan, had planned. She said it would be “an extra large surprise.” I had never been there before, and when we all walked into the house I had to pause for a moment, because I had never seen a home that was so well decorated, so beautifully painted, and so captivating. My eyes couldn’t take it all in fast enough. One wall had this ornate wall paper with some flamingos and flowers. The crown molding was gorgeous, and the sitting room had a fireplace with this lovely ivy draped on the mantle. Some guys walked in and started taking their clothes off, but I was enamored by the porcelain tchotchkes in the shape of little pineapples. So cute! The colors were vibrant, the man’s body in a thong was greasy, but my eyes were fixed toward the ceiling fan that had a cabana look to it. So tropical. I took a sip from my penis-shaped straw, and had to really wrench my neck around the gyrating man in front of me to get a good view of the window treatment. It had a valence in the most gorgeous shade of teal, with lacy white details. What a thrill it had been, being there that night.