Project Objective

Create a recurring seasonal campaign event that amplifies America’s official brand story of bloodless colonialism while simultaneously boosting food consumption and increasing sales of eighty-five-inch TVs in the middle of the night. Explore cross-promotional opportunities with Christmas on traditional and digital channels to maximize ROI, engagement, and brand visibility.


  • One holiday
  • One parade
  • One public appearance by POTUS in which they pledge not to slaughter a bird

Client Background

America, Inc. is one of the most prominent players in the liberty, democracy, and firearm-distribution space. Best known for producing trans fats and Disney adults at scale, our client began as a high-growth, direct-to-consumer startup that went public in 1776 after a long period of land acquisitions, many of which were viewed as controversial by Indigenous stakeholders.

Target Audiences

  • White citizens seeking absolution for the crimes of their ancestors
  • Families with irreconcilable intergenerational political differences
  • Mothers of adult children with a martyr complex, three-glasses-of-wine-deep crying over an elaborate mistimed meal they insisted on making
  • Men over the age of sixty-five who ask their gay grandsons when they’re going to settle down with a nice girl

Key Insight

This campaign should prevent white people from having to sit with even the tiniest morsel of discomfort over the carnage and historical trauma they have wrought. It should also inspire audiences to take five thousand calories straight to the body and score the hottest deals on apparel, gadgets, and more.

Key Messaging

The primary goal of this campaign is to center and promote the client’s brand narrative that it was founded as a peaceful collaboration between Pilgrims and Natives. Secondary messaging should lean heavily on the increased consumption of soggy brown food, a vague sense of gratitude, and low, low prices on electronics.


Visual Guidelines

Brand Voice:

America’s brand voice is that of a man at a dive bar waiting for someone to accidentally bump into him so he has an excuse to absolutely beat the shit out of them.

Success Metrics

Similar to Columbus Day, our success story in the atrocity-to-mattress-sales pipeline, we will track YOY unnecessary spending with the additional KPIs of national calories consumed and number of bathroom crying events per household.