I get it. You love New York. You grew up there. And sure, it’s a New York classic. But once you experience West Coast crippling anxiety, you won’t want crippling anxiety from anywhere else.
Yes, New York is known for its crippling anxiety; it’s a trademark of the culture. Crippling anxiety most anywhere else just makes you miss the Big Apple. It’s hard to know what makes the crippling anxiety in New York so good. Some people say it’s the water. While I fear drinking from the tap and can vividly imagine someone poisoning the reservoir, that’s not what makes the crippling anxiety in New York so special to me. It’s the people who make it. Like that little old man in the shop on the corner, who came over on a boat from Italy when he was a child. Every morning he opens up at 6 AM, you walk in at noon, and he gives you that hot, piping screaming match you’ve been looking forward to all day. Just like your mother used to make. It’s real. It’s authentic. It’s New York.
You’ll always have a special place in your heart for New York crippling anxiety. But don’t look at West Coast crippling anxiety as something that needs to be compared to New York. Just think of it as an exciting chance to try something different. For starters, the crippling anxiety on the West Coast is more organic, and comes from things that are much more in tune with the environment.
There’s the beach, where you can think about sinking into the sand as nobody hears your muffled screams. The surf, which can pull you out into the ocean amidst your muffled screams. And the sun is always shining, which is perfect for worrying about that new weird mole on your neck while you’re being crushed by the sand or surf.
There are brush fires, there are earthquakes, there are avocados. Yes, they’re all things that you wouldn’t necessarily associate with crippling anxiety, but once they’re in the mix, you won’t be able to remember crippling anxiety without them.
Sure, the West Coast is not New York. You can’t just walk down to the corner to find a source of crippling anxiety at the end of the block. You need to take a car everywhere to really get that crippling anxiety you’re craving. But maybe that drive – and that journey – makes the crippling anxiety all the more rewarding.
So, please, don’t dismiss West Coast crippling anxiety right away. Give it a chance. In time I think you’ll find it has its own merits, just like New York’s.
Just make sure you stay away from that highly overrated Chicago crippling anxiety. That stuff is a deep-dish mess.