DO: Be honest and open with one another.
DON’T: Secretly collect used batteries.

DO: Explore the world. Shared experiences make for stronger, longer-lasting memories.
DON’T: Hide the batteries in a vintage gym bag under your bed.

DO: Keep some space. It’s important not to overexpose; let your respective lives exist outside of your relationship.
DON’T: Frantically ask if your partner seen your gym bag – the one you hide under your bed.

DO: Take pictures. There’s nothing cuter than you two.
DON’T: Lie about what you kept in the bag. Clearly they know. Lying won’t help.

DO: Be healthy. Go jogging together or maybe do yoga. The better your health the longer you’ll get to spend together.
DON’T: Act surprised to hear that a treasure trove of old batteries was in the bag and ask how they could have gotten there, considering the bag usually stays under your bed and you certainly weren’t stocking batteries in it.

DO: Set physical boundaries. Pleasure and comfort do not always overlap, but you should get as much of each as you can.
DON’T: Have left a spreadsheet open on your computer titled “Battery Inventory.”

DO: Pick up the phone and call, just to hear their voice.
DON’T: Change tones and get really defensive, delivering a small “extemporaneous” breakdown of the importance of batteries in the world’s technological development.

DO: Think about your future. You don’t want to jinx things, but there’s no harm in preparing.
DON’T: Storm out and disappear forever. This will pass. You’ll have to give up the habit, but you’re better off with love than with batteries. Repeat that to yourself. You are better off with love than with batteries. You are better off with love than with batteries.

DO: Make concessions. You may be right but your relationship is more important than your ego.
DON’T: Stop saying it. You are better off with love than with batteries. You’re not saying it. Say it. Out loud.

DO: Remember that the other person isn’t perfect, and stand by them when they’re at their worst.
DON’T: Search the apartment for your gym bag. You are better off with love than with batteries. Stop searching. Stop, you’re going to lose them. Stop. You’ll never find love again, stop it. You are better off with love than with batteries. Stop it. Sit down and apologize. You’ll never be happy.

DO: Cook together. Small, fun activities like cooking turn boring tasks into lively couple-time.
DON’T: Drive away. You have no place to go. You’ll soon have no home, no love, and no batteries, and to top it off it’s not your car. You’ll be wanted for car theft and you barely have enough cash for a motel room or a train ticket. You shouldn’t have taken their car just because it was in the back of the driveway. Kindly ask your partner to move their car so you can get to yours, or take the bus.