You can’t go to his place for obvious reasons, but you aren’t willing to incur the judgment of your roommates by bringing him back to your place either. So where can your forbidden love flourish? There are loads of exciting options…
1. That Bar Everyone From Work Hates
Remember that time your coworkers let Chad from Finance pick the happy hour bar? It was a totally epic night for Chad, but utterly miserable for everyone who got food poisoning from the $1 oyster shooters. This place is the perfect romantic rendezvous for you and your dream guy. No one from work will ever set foot in here again, and one look at the collection of bras hanging from the ceiling will let your sweetheart know you really are a cool girl. This place practically screams, “I’m going to be as laid back about this relationship as I am about these low sanitation scores!”
2. That Place That’s Always Empty
No one here will recognize you or your unfaithful friend-with-benefits because no one has ever eaten here. What’s it called? It doesn’t matter because it’s so generic you’ll never remember. What you will remember is the plethora of empty corner booths and tucked away tables this deserted watering hole has to offer. Sure, the Top 40 hits echoing through the empty space are a little loud, but at least it’s dark and totally off the radar… kind of like your conscience when he starts feeling you up under the table. The abandoned atmosphere of this venue will pair perfectly with the ever-present promise of abandonment that haunts your relationship.
3. The Park
There is no more beautiful place for your ill-fated love to bloom than the great outdoors. Sure, when you pictured this scenario in your head, it involved him building a cabin upstate and holding you next to a roaring fire, but that can wait for the future. Right now you need to show him you aren’t high maintenance like those other girls. You’re not uptight. You’ll love him anywhere. Even right here in the grass under the cover of night. So what if the ground is littered with dirty needles? You’re a risk-taker. Why else would you be risking your future happiness and mental stability to be with him?
4. The Back of a Cab
This isn’t really a date spot per say, but then you aren’t really dating this guy are you? Besides, a yellow cab offers more privacy than you can hope to have in a bar or a restaurant. Don’t worry about the driver watching your passionate exchange. He sees this shit all the time and nothing short of slaughtering a goat in the back seat is going to make him look up. Plus, when you think about it, having his silent, third party presence is beautifully symbolic of the real third person in your relationship.
5. A Back Alley
This spot will stimulate all of your senses, and if you think making out behind an overflowing trash receptacle isn’t sexy, then you have no imagination. The rusty, metal walls of the alleyway dumpsters will shield you from the elements as well as from the unforgiving gaze of the public. What more could a girl want? Just remember, one man’s trash is another man’s treasure, and one woman’s rock bottom is another woman’s loving, mutually respectful relationship.
6. A Charming Spot Down By the Docks
If you aren’t afraid of a slightly rougher crowd, then this is the place for you. Forget about all those classy dates you used to dream about; they aren’t worth the constant fear of being found out. Consider this dilapidated, seaside shack a novelty getaway from your usual haunts (sort of like role play!). Just imagine how romantic it’ll be when he tells you how much he wishes you could meet his mom right next to a dock worker with MOM tattooed on his neck.
7. A Penthouse Apartment He’s Renting
This is probably the most convenient option for both of you. It’s pretty amazing that you didn’t think of it before. What your relationship has been missing all this time wasn’t trust or respect — it was private real estate! Having a place he can see you anytime he wants, without anyone knowing is the perfect set up (just until he ends things with his girlfriend of course). And don’t worry, this doesn’t mean he’s paying you for sex; he’s simply paying for a place to have sex with you. Because, baby, you’re worth it!