Some of you may know me as Death, or the Grim Reaper, or the Herald of Doom, or some other name besmirched by the harrowing actions of my forefathers. I’m here to clear the air, to assure you that getting to know me is not as grim as you may think it is.
I embrace diversity and the individuality that make up the beautiful fabric of our existence, and I understand that you have your own timeline. It would be unfair to arbitrarily cut you out of existence without taking into account the journey you have set for yourself. You decide when to expire, not me. If you want to live with paper-thin bones at 130 years old, that’s something I’m going to respect.
Freedom and choice is a top priority for me. It’s you who has to die, and you should die the way you want to. No more wondering, “Will I be engulfed by flames?” — unless you want to be. If you are having a difficult time deciding how to die, that’s okay. We can talk it out, or I can give you some suggestions based on your personality type. Not to brag, but I’m really good at this sort of thing, and have even made a lucrative freelance career out of it. You can see some of my best suggestions on my portfolio website (DieWithPersonality.com).
I understand that recognition is important, and you deserve it. I know it’s not about being self-centered or needy, but about being approved for the type of life you have lived. I know that you could die by anyone, and I want to go the extra mile to let you know that I appreciate you dying by me. Before each death, I like to have a one-on-one at a local coffee shop and list off the things I thought you did really well on Earth.
When you are ready and have decided the way you want to pass, I’m conscious about the details of your passing. Everything I do to ensure you have the death you want will always take the environment into account. My startup, DeathReady, is an environmentally conscious company that ensures each detail of your death will not harm the environment in any way.
I’m always looking for feedback about the ways I can improve my efforts to accommodate you, the mortal human. You can reach out to me across all social media platforms at @DeathFodder.