“Americans are suffering. Trump offers them a doctor who warns of sex with demons.” — Washington Post, 7/28/20

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Wander around the house aimlessly, preferably emitting an occasional wail. Any horny ghouls or demons residing in old books or cracks in the wall will sense your despair and come out to get down with you. You can also go on Tinder and swipe right on anyone who puts “fluent in sarcasm” on their profile.

Establish consent with your demon. Say to them, “Let’s do this, you literal demon from hell.” Once you give them the go-ahead, they will express consent by possessing you and putting on an Alice Cooper record.

Make sure to use protection. If you can get pregnant and you’re not interested in giving birth to the anti-Christ, make the demon use a condom. They are notoriously not careful about protection, and demon splooge is particularly potent. (Note: If you want to give birth to the anti-Christ, you may skip this step.)

Much like mortals, demons have wide and varied sexual preferences. You may want to take advantage of their demonic powers by trying adventurous positions like “The Flying Dutchman,” “The (Time and) Space Jam,” or “6669.”

Avoid missionary.

Know that demons are prone to ghosting, and after your encounter, you may never hear from them again.

And, of course, per public health guidelines, wear a face covering. Never forget that we are in a pandemic, plus demons are bad kissers anyway.