I’m James Sharky III, owner and general manager of Sharky’s Big and Tall By the Beach. For more than 80 years, we’ve been the coastal community’s primary source for clothing made specifically for big and tall gentlemen. I’m proud to carry on this legacy, began by my grandfather, James Sharky, when he braved a journey across the Atlantic to fulfill one dream: to open a store where big and tall gentlemen could purchase suits, pants, and other garments at prices commensurate with that of normal sized men’s clothes. That’s what we’ve always done here at Sharky’s Big and Tall By the Beach: We absolutely sell extremely big clothes at prices that are extremely small. That’s the Sharky’s promise.
Another Sharky’s promise is that our store is not a trap.
Sure, Sharky’s Big and Tall By the Beach is located right on the harbor. Many of our clients are fishermen and tourists and we are not situated against the ocean because my staff of four sons and I happen to be sharks who can’t leave the ocean. It would be ridiculous, not to mention completely unsubstantiated, that we use our proximity to land to lure large, overgrown men to our location and eat them because we, as sharks, have insatiable appetites and necessarily prefer to feed on extra-large human males, who are generally larger than the human females. The only remotely true element to this claptrap is that my four sons and I, like my grandfather, the first James Sharky, are sharks.
My grandfather opened his store, right here, in this building, in 1932. He didn’t leave when cultural prejudices were unkind and unfair to Shark-Americans. We won’t leave either. Furthermore, we own the building, and we pass that savings on to you, the customer. The big, tall, meaty customer who has trouble finding proper garments into which he can stuff his juicy, lumpy, fatty flesh.
Also, our prices are so low because we buy in volume.
It’s preposterous to entertain for even a moment the notion that our storefront is false, and that when you walk through the door of Sharky’s Big and Tall by the Beach you would encounter anything other than a showroom of high quality clothing for the extra-ample fellow. How silly to imagine that when you entered our store, instead of being bombarded with great deals on beautiful garments that you would instead immediately fall through a trap door into an underwater holding tank from which there was no escape, upon which your delicious body in all of its massive abundance would be shredded by three rows of teeth each from the mouths of up to five ferocious, ravenously hungry sharks.
Are you really going to believe one nasty Yelp review or a few silly news reports about an extra-large leg, or extremely doughy arm washing up on shore a few miles down the coastline?
Sharky’s Big and Tall By the Beach has been a proud, caring part of this community for decades. Old-timers will remember that we used to have a real problem with transients sleeping on the beach, and teenagers having booze-and-drug-fueled bonfire parties on the beach. Ever since Sharky’s took an active role a few years ago with our “Clean Up the Beach!” campaign, you’d be hard pressed to find a homeless person or teenager or on this beach. And heck, it just wouldn’t be summer without Sharky’s Big and Tall By the Beach Presents the Midnight Blindfolded 5K On the Beach.
So why not come on down to Sharky’s Big and Tall By the Beach sometime? Make an afternoon of it! The venerable Captain Dan’s is still right across the street, home of the world famous all-you-can-eat fried shrimp, clams, fish, and chips platter. Then, after you’re nice and full, come on over and see what’s really going on at Sharky’s.