1. Every person (x) must know exactly 1 person (y) named “Trevor.”1

2. Every person (x) must know exactly 1 person (y1) named “Trevor” at a time (t1). Person (x) may know an alternative person (y2) named “Trevor” at an alternative time (t2), but the original “Trevor” (y1) must no longer exist at time (t2) and likewise person (x) must never know the alternative “Trevor” (y2) at the original time (t1).2

3. If person (x) is himself named “Trevor,” he fulfills the functions of both persons (x) and (y). He must therefore never meet another person named “Trevor” (z) without violating rules 1 and 2 thereby resulting in a “Trevor Paradox.”3

4. Any person or persons claiming to be in violation of rules 1, 2 or 3 is either: (a) experiencing a serious nervous disorder accompanied by severe delusions; or (b) a dangerous pathological liar. In both cases, patients should be considered a threat to general society and must be isolated immediately. Perhaps someplace nice, like Hawaii.4

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1 I met my best friend Whitney in Middle School. We lived across the street from each other. We took violin lessons together. One day walking home after violin practice, we realized there was only one kid named “Trevor” in our whole school. We started asking other kids from other schools in other after-school activities and they all told us the same thing. There was only one kid named “Trevor” at everybody else’s Middle School, too.

2 Whitney and I started dating in High School. I didn’t like school that much but I got good grades because she wanted to go to college at MIT and she said you needed to get good grades to go to MIT and I wanted to go to MIT with her. “Trevor” went to our high school, too. After he killed himself, Whitney was pretty upset. They had become good friends, I guess. They hung out a lot more than I thought they did. When some kid who also happened to be named “Trevor” moved in down the street from us a couple weeks later, she got even more upset. I just thought we were getting a new “Trevor.” I don’t know. They named a skate park after him. The first “Trevor,” I mean.

3 Whitney and I dated for a little while longer before I got kicked out of MIT. She was getting concerned about my bad grades and how obsessed I’d become with the name “Trevor.” One night I was ranting for several hours about the paradox and how it was equally probable that someone named “Trevor” would meet someone named “Trevor” as it was that someone named “Josh” or “Amy” or “Steven” would meet someone named “Trevor” and that this was a serious problem with the theory. She only said that she missed Trevor. I did not know which “Trevor” she was referring to. We broke up.

4 I have many friends named “Trevor” now. I am borrowing some more money from my parents to complete my independent research and then will be moving to Hawaii.