Recipe for Geese:
1. Initiate cataclysmic explosion of infinitely dense matter.
2. Wait 11 to 15 billion years.
3. Geese.
- - -
Recipe for Ducks:
1. Make geese.
2. Look nearby.
As little as $1 a month ($12 a year!) goes a long way towards supporting our editorial staff and contributors while keeping us ad-free. Become a McSweeney’s Internet Tendency patron today.