The phrase “Best of luck elsewhere,” ending with your name spelled correctly

A replacement cap for ballpoint pen mailed without hitch or hassle

A rounding up to the nearest decimal point on the kill fee for latest submission

Accidental tagging in a celebrity tweet

A reassuring pat on the back that the nausea is perfectly normal

Signed guarantee that questions from friends about whether or not the book is finished will be asked rhetorically the next three times

A drone-delivered rejection letter

Author bio added to DO NOT ACCEPT CHECKS FROM display at local corner store

New neighbor knows a guy who was once personally shushed by Raymond Carver

A chance to see what the world would look like had your main character never existed

Misheard pop song lyric sounds a little like opening line of revised blog post

A genuine sense of feigned interest from family during holidays

A shape that resembles Virginia Woolf’s face in dinner pancake

Grin of the ancient, graceful dragon who whispers your name while perched outside your bedroom window on windless nights somehow not as foreboding as it once was

Complimentary white tea

Surprise pity party