This OSX update improves the stability, compatibility and security of your computer and, in fact, your whole damn life. It is recommended for all users.

This update:

  • Fixes an issue for iTunes Match users where iTunes incorrectly changed some songs from Matched to Apple Music
  • Resolves the conflict with your father over the incident at the lake
  • Addresses transgender friends correctly
  • Fixes blame
  • Eliminates incompatibility with the rest of the marketing team
  • Fixes long, tedious exposition scenes early in your screenplay by breaking them up into a seemingly endless series of small, tedious exposition scenes
  • Resolves to quit smoking
  • Fixes WBC undercard matches (Welterweight through Super Middleweight)
  • Addresses wedding invitations
  • Resolves minor seventh chords
  • Improves on Grandma’s recipe for corn fritters by adding a little zucchini salsa
  • Addresses immigration as a moral issue
  • Improves your ability to conjugate Italian irregular verbs
  • Fixes a notice on the bulletin board at the gym about your missing jockstrap
  • Resolves the conflict in the Middle East through a two-state solution without undermining the security of the State of Israel
  • Hey, pretty good, huh?
  • Addresses your fiancée’s father as “sir”
  • Resolves Irritable Bowel Syndrome and other comorbidities
  • Fixes prices for international air-cargo shipping
  • Addresses an issue that prevented you from ever really getting to know Uncle Quentin
  • Improves with age
  • Addresses an anxious nation on the brink of war
  • Resolves ambiguous syntax through the use of the Oxford comma
  • Fixes you with a baleful stare
  • Resolves organic compounds by gas chromatography
  • Improves your chances of getting to third base with Audrey from receivables
  • Fixes puppies at 12 to 16 weeks
  • Addresses racism in 21st-century America, but does not really resolve it in any meaningful way
  • Improves your resolve to address a fix to racism in 21st-century America
  • Fixes in two hours, but do not paint until it has cured overnight

System requirements:

  • A couple dozen yottabytes of memory
  • More disk space than Google
  • A newer computer than the one you just brought home from the Apple Store