Use your notepad to keep a running list of all the hot buzzwords you hear from school administrators during fun-filled teacher institute training days. Words like “pedagogy,” “project-based learning,” and “common core” just seem to roll off the tongues of those making triple your teaching salary.
Worlds Best Teacher Ceramic Coffee Mug
This special mug will be good for keeping the loose change that’s left over after you cash your last paycheck and pay off all the outstanding medical bills you incurred this school year after contracting the flu, strep, whooping cough, and a possible case of stress-related hypertension.
“Teachers Rock” Canvas Tote Bag
Instead of using your new tote to carry class lesson plans and grade books, use your “Teachers Rock” bag to schlep around your Chili’s Bar & Grill uniform, name tag, and sensible Sketchers slip-ons. With your state underfunding the teacher pension plan, retirement is not in the cards without tips and some babyback, babyback, babyback ribs.
Brass Apple Figurine
Use your new brass apple tchotchke as a paperweight to hold down the letter you received from the federal government notifying you that your $4000 TEACH grant was converted into a high-interest loan.
“Teaching Is My Superpower” Ballpoint Pen
Don’t waste your new “Teaching Is My Superpower” pen on grading spelling tests and math worksheets. When your school doesn’t have budget to staff social workers and resource officers to handle potential trouble, break out the self-defense big guns and get tactical with your ballpoint teacher gift. The superpower pen is hopefully mightier than the disgruntled student’s sword.
“#1 Teacher” Handmade Card
Why not recycle that precious handmade card from little Timmy by using the blank side to make a sign to display at your next job action? With rising health care costs and your wages and retirement benefits in the red, show the powers that be you can’t actually afford to make a legit strike sign on a teacher’s salary.