Star Trek into Darkness

The USS Enterprise is attacked in space, a loud explosion on screen as the ship splits.

CPT. KIRK: I know you’re all worried we might not live to see Starfleet Headquarters again because we just got blasted in space by a Klingon army, and our ship is in shambles, but I want to remind you all that sound is an energy compression wave of air, and there is no air in space. Therefore, any explosions would not be heard by an audience watching this from a distance because there is no medium for the sound waves to travel through. The fact people think you’d hear something in space is laughable. Also, remember that when we accelerate to light speed when escaping this attack, I will find it completely unrealistic if parts of the ship are not lost or broken, and if we don’t end up with our asses on the floor from the force of that propulsion.

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John Wick

John Wick shoots 17 people with one clip, then drops the clip on the floor and grabs another.

JOHN: Man, that Gen 4 Glock 23 only held 13 rounds, which is true to the factory standard. How did I kill those other four? Maybe one bullet went through multiple people? There are 15 other men in this building, so I better use my compact Sig Sauer because even though it’s not a full-size pistol, it holds more rounds. It would be more realistic if I used a Glock 17, and even if certain angles made it look like the Glock 22, I’d know better, and so would any gun-smart person involved in this situation. I would love not to change clips again. The fact that I haven’t changed clips often is certainly surprising, and may lead people to think murdering this many people just isn’t realistic.

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Wonder Woman 1984

Steve Trevor and Diana Prince steal a jet from the Museum of Natural History, Smithsonian.

STEVE: I know we’re stealing this jet from a museum for an important purpose and that you are using your god-like Amazonian powers to make it invisible, but I want to remind you we’ll have to stop for fuel. I haven’t flown a plane since World War I, but I’m pretty sure this is a 1980 F-15, and we will use about 8,000 pounds of fuel an hour, so with no external tanks, we will need to refuel in an airbase just outside of Aviano. Then we can hurry to stop the entity that has become an embodiment of all human wishes.

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Shawshank Redemption

Andy Dufresne slides into his tunnel and checks to make sure the poster of Raquel Welch is in place.

ANDY: I’m sure glad I calculated the density of this debris and the exact cubic feet before setting in on this 17-year plan, but if Cleveland architect Levi T. Scofield designed this prison, I can’t be sure there will be a pipe on the other side of this concrete in the place I’m hoping, nor can I be certain this prison won’t follow standard 1947 Maine penal codes of cell rotation. But I guess it would be pretty cool if it all works out, even if not likely because of the concrete used in these types of Gothic-Romanesque prison buildings and the era’s standard pipe widths.

The Bourne Identity

Jason Bourne shifts gears in the Mini Cooper and guns it, hoping to evade police in Paris.

JASON: I know this model of the vintage Austin Mini would normally not have that kind of reaction to a run-in with another car because the original version of this car used rubber cones instead of conventional springs. Did you know that? I bet you didn’t know that, and it’s a cool piece of information you want to hear during a high-speed chase. I think it’s important to interrupt badass chase scenes in order to remind people that I was born years earlier and I remember lots of useless information that makes me superior in every way. And how dare you think you could marry my daughter without knowing one damn thing about the Mini Cooper! Sorry, I guess that sounded out of place. Must be my amnesia. Let’s floor this naturally aspirated 1.3-liter engine and reach our maximum torque at 3000 rpm!