The person with his eyes closed wears a gigantic horned helmet. He’s easily able to find the other swimmers because they won’t stop complaining about the historical inaccuracy of his headwear.
Players who are being chased are allowed to annex and settle inside the neighbors’ swimming pool. If the neighbors complain, give them a three-day weekend every October. Surely that will make up for any long-standing social injustices.
Juan Ponce de León
In an attempt to locate the mythic Fountain of Youth, a middle-aged swimmer splashes around the local kiddie pool. He doesn’t get any younger, but he does totally own all the wailing toddlers trying not to get caught.
Lewis and Clark
Two kids are commissioned to catch everyone else in the pool, but they’re so helpless that they have to beg Sacagawea—in this case, probably someone’s mom—to guide them. The expedition is eventually declared a success after somebody finds a weird bug.
Be the first to climb out of the pool at its northernmost point and stand there, shivering, in your dripping wet bathing suit. Eat an entire box of Popsicles to celebrate your utterly useless achievement.
The person who is “it” attempts to cross the entire pool solo, though she soon vanishes without a trace after her step-dad picks her up early. The other swimmers spend the rest of the day explaining her disappearance with crazed conspiracy theories.
Oh wow! You spent the entire day building a Polynesian-style raft out of pool noodles, but it’s really getting late. As you watch your friends migrate home, each disappointedly telling their families that they never got to go swimming, you come up with the theory of cultural diffusion.
Your most pretentious friend invites you over for a dip. However, you end up wandering around town all afternoon because he gave you the wrong address, but that’s cool, because life’s all about the journey. You dig?
Play regular Marco Polo as if you were an astronaut: bounce around and go to the bathroom in your suit whenever you feel like it.
Watch your two best friends have a blast playing Neil Armstrong while you sit inside by yourself.
Whoever is “it” has a massive advantage. Not only does he have an oxygen tank, but also the other players must constantly narrate their thoughts in a thick French accent. The deep end—she is so beautiful, no?