“Has Putin shipped every middle-class job in your town to Russia? Did he manufacture a worldwide pandemic that wrecked your business? Is he teaching your kids to embrace racial discrimination?”  —  Tucker Carlson

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Why is everyone getting so hysterical about Vladimir Putin? Think about it. He may have launched an unprovoked full-scale invasion of Ukraine, but at the same time, he hasn’t ever, not even once, asked you to use a same-sex bathroom. Once you have this broader perspective, you realize his war on democracy isn’t the real problem.

I urge Americans not to listen to the global elite propaganda about what a “bad guy” Putin is. Has he set the stage for a potential third world war because of his unhinged belief that Ukraine isn’t even a country? Sure. But this is just healthy, red-blooded male behavior, and as liberals wage their deadly war against masculinity, we must support this man.

What’s happening in Ukraine was unthinkable just a few months ago, and now people fear that Europe and maybe the world are about to get dragged into a catastrophic war. But I ask you, has Vladimir Putin ever worn a skirt like Harry Styles?

The mainstream media tries to manipulate you into caring about cruise missiles and airstrikes, but let’s take a minute to understand our true enemy. Is it a virile, often shirtless man on horseback who poisons political opponents and journalists and who’s causing the deaths of countless innocent people? Or is it a children’s book about a kid with two dads?

It’s sad to think that there are people out there hating on Vladimir Putin. Hatred is so damaging. We should be focused on other, more positive things, like planning a military tribunal for Anthony Fauci, or snitching on teachers who teach about systemic racism.

Here we are expending so much time and energy on a guy who’s just following in the great tradition of erratic warmongering male leadership. Imagine what we could do with all that energy if we only directed it at arresting the parents of trans kids.

I’m no geopolitical expert, but what’s the worst thing that could happen here? That Vladimir’s deranged ambitions will rip apart the European security order that has enabled seventy years of peaceful coexistence between nations? Or that not enough people will ever know about the most nefarious force in the universe: Hunter Biden’s laptop?

Americans — this is a dark day in history, and I fear that things will just get worse. War is unpredictable, and for all we know, this will entangle our own country into the devastating fray. But rest assured, citizens — when that happens, I will keep my cool and rant hysterically about rigged elections, imaginary illegal caravans, and maternity flight suits. I will then, as now, slavishly worship any world leader who struts and brags and starts wars because of male ego, a deluded grasp of world history, and rabid nationalism. Vladimir Putin, you savvy genius, I salute you!