“Scandal-ridden British Prime Minister Boris Johnson capitulated to mounting pressure to step down Thursday, announcing his decision after days of high-profile government resignations and calls from fellow Conservative Party members to quit.” — NBC News

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Hi Britain, confused American here. You’re telling me you can just make a guy “step down”? Are you saying you don’t just have to live with whatever other messed-up stuff he’s gonna do until his term is over? I… I don’t understand.

Okay, he must’ve done something worse than our last guy. That’s the only explanation. Did he incite a violent coup, try to join it, and succeed? No? He just misused government money, made bad policy decisions, ignored misconduct allegations, and skirted COVID protocols? That was, like, an average Tuesday for our former guy. I’m not kidding—that was his whole deal.

Sorry, I must be missing something. You can just insist your guy leave office enough times, and he’ll eventually listen? We didn’t even tell our previous guy he could be in office in the first place. Seriously, we literally didn’t vote for him. I don’t get it.

You want me to believe that when your guy did enough bad things, the rest of his party began stepping down from government to denounce his leadership? When our last guy screwed up that bad, the rest of his party basically said, “We love screwed-up shit! It’s the best!” I’m so confused.

Explain it to me like I’m a small child. Your guy bad, you say stop, he stop? Our last guy even worse, we say stop, he double down. Why? Why not us like you?

Okay, you’re arguing that the grass is always greener—that your guy already did enough damage by sealing your fate as an isolationist country. But, like, our former guy did that too, and then he got to stick around and do even worse stuff. So, like… what the hell?

I’m really trying to understand here. This must be a first, right? Like, is this the first time this has ever happened? No?! This is the third consecutive time your leader has resigned before the end of their term?! Jeez, seems like you folks have a lot of buyer’s remorse.

Look: on this side of the Atlantic, if we realize we fucked up, we rename ourselves The Fucked Up Party, and we tell everyone that we actually wanted to fuck up in the first place. That’s the American way. Speaking of which, I’ve decided that I’m embarrassed that we couldn’t get our last guy to “step down.” So I’d like to amend my initial reaction: I can’t believe your guy is stepping down—what a loser!