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Articles by
Eli Grober
Eli writes Here’s Something, a weekly humor newsletter. He is a former staff writer for The Tonight Show, and his work appears regularly in the New Yorker, McSweeney’s, and his diary.
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January 14, 2022Here’s How Time Works in 2022
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December 30, 2021The Terrible Things I Have Said and Done My Entire Life, and Right Up Until a Few Days Ago, Do Not Represent Me As a Person
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December 28, 2021How I Saved Enough to Buy a House with My Parents’ Money
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December 13, 2021Here at Time Magazine, We’ve Decided This Is One of Those Years We Pick a Person Who Sucks
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November 4, 2021I Am Totally Against Critical Race Theory, and Furthermore, I Have No Clue What It Is
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October 28, 2021I Am Proud to Announce That Starting Today, Our Company Still Sucks Shit
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October 1, 2021“We Should Absolutely Tax the Rich,” I Say as I Sail Away on My Yacht
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September 28, 2021Why I’m Doing My Own Research Before Using a Seat Belt
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September 9, 2021Neo, You Can Take the Blue Pill or You Can Take the Red Pill. Either is Fine, Honestly. Just Don’t Take the Ivermectin
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August 5, 2021We Will Do Anything to Get You to Work for Us Except Pay You Enough
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May 20, 2021The Completely Normal, Totally Reasonable Unwritten Rules of Baseball
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April 22, 2021I Will Gladly Explain Why I Hate The Very Hungry Caterpillar, Just As Soon As I Finish Reading All 22 Pages
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January 5, 2022A Note of Reassurance from Your School District Regarding Our Updated Omicron Policies
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January 14, 2022What Your Favorite Sad Dad Band Says About You
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December 31, 2021Oh My Fucking God, Get the Fucking Vaccine Already, You Fucking Fucks
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January 7, 2022Here’s Why You’re Wrong for Supporting Either In-Person or Virtual School
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January 20, 2022A Boat Surrounded by Sharks Is a Childcare Option I Am Seriously Considering
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January 20, 2022You Can’t Accuse Us of Restricting the Voting Rights of Black Americans If We Aren’t Counting Them as Americans
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January 20, 2022We Are the Other Girls of Stars Hollow and We Deserve Recognition Too
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January 19, 2022I Drank from the Wrong Holy Grail and Now I’m an Adjunct Professor of Comparative Literature