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Articles by
Eli Grober
Eli writes Here’s Something, a weekly humor newsletter. He is a former staff writer for The Tonight Show, and his work appears regularly in the New Yorker, McSweeney’s, and his diary.
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April 7, 2021The Only Acceptable Form of Free Speech Is Giving Me Money
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March 23, 2021The Only Way to Prevent Car Crashes Is More Cars
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March 17, 2021The Filibuster Is Important, Except When It Does Not Benefit Me, and Then It Is Bad
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February 17, 2021I’ve Never Tried Your Idea, and Now Everything Is on Fire, and That’s How I Know Your Idea Is Bad
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February 11, 2021I’ve Seen the Evidence, and There’s a Lot of It, and It’s Overwhelming and Very Persuasive, and I’ve Decided to Ignore It
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February 4, 2021The Terrible Things I Have Said and Done My Entire Life, and Right Up Until a Few Days Ago, Do Not Represent Me As a Person
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January 26, 2021I’m Being Censored, and You Can Read, Hear, and See Me Talk About It in the News, on the Radio, and on TV
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January 11, 2021We Are Living In Orwell’s 1984. I Think. I Don’t Know. I Didn’t Read the Book. Who’s Orwell?
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January 4, 2021Here’s How Time Works In 2021
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December 22, 2020Kids, You’re Old Enough to Know: Santa’s Real. And He’s Dangerous.
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August 14, 2020Due to Budget Cuts, Every Day Is Now Monday
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May 12, 2020Here’s How Time Works Now
Trending 🔥
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April 13, 2021An FAQ About Your New Birth Control: The Music of Rush
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April 9, 2021The Five Stages of Grief When Dealing With No Longer Being Able to See the “Scoop, There It Is” Geico Commercial
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April 9, 2021An Open Letter to My Children Regarding the Commencement of Asynchronous Parenting
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January 25, 2016Alternatives to Resting Bitch Face
Recently
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April 19, 2021Pennywise Responds to Allegations of Improper Conduct
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April 19, 2021Alternative Teaching Modalities in Hell
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April 19, 2021America First Policy Institute Tries to Explain “Anglo-Saxon Tradition”
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April 16, 2021As a Republican, I Believe White Men Are Boys, Boys of Color Are Men, and Underage Girls Are Consenting Adults