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Articles by
Eli Grober
Eli writes Here’s Something, a weekly humor newsletter. He is a former staff writer for The Tonight Show, and his work appears regularly in the New Yorker, McSweeney’s, and his diary.
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June 16, 2021How I Saved Enough to Buy a House with My Parents’ Money
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May 20, 2021The Completely Normal, Totally Reasonable Unwritten Rules of Baseball
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April 22, 2021I Will Gladly Explain Why I Hate The Very Hungry Caterpillar, Just As Soon As I Finish Reading All 22 Pages
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April 7, 2021The Only Acceptable Form of Free Speech Is Giving Me Money
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March 23, 2021The Only Way to Prevent Car Crashes Is More Cars
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March 17, 2021The Filibuster Is Important, Except When It Does Not Benefit Me, and Then It Is Bad
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February 17, 2021I’ve Never Tried Your Idea, and Now Everything Is on Fire, and That’s How I Know Your Idea Is Bad
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February 11, 2021I’ve Seen the Evidence, and There’s a Lot of It, and It’s Overwhelming and Very Persuasive, and I’ve Decided to Ignore It
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February 4, 2021The Terrible Things I Have Said and Done My Entire Life, and Right Up Until a Few Days Ago, Do Not Represent Me As a Person
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January 26, 2021I’m Being Censored, and You Can Read, Hear, and See Me Talk About It in the News, on the Radio, and on TV
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January 11, 2021We Are Living In Orwell’s 1984. I Think. I Don’t Know. I Didn’t Read the Book. Who’s Orwell?
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January 4, 2021Here’s How Time Works In 2021
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August 3, 2021I Am a Female Character in a Fantasy Movie, and It Is Integral to the Plot That I Be Topless
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August 3, 2021An Open Letter to My Thirty-Plus-Year-Old Ovaries
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August 2, 2021The Dean of Students Clarifies the University’s COVID Guidelines for the Upcoming Semester
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August 2, 2021We Apologize for Claiming Critical Race Theory Will Make Your Children Sacrifice Their Classmates to Satan