ILLUSTORIA MAGAZINE
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Articles by
Eli Grober
Eli is the author of the satirical essay collection This Won’t Help, listed on the New Yorker’s “Best Books We Read This Week.” He writes the humor newsletter Here’s Something.
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March 1, 2022The State of the Union Is Pretty Good, Not Great, I Don’t Know—What Do You Wanna Hear? It’s Bad, Things Are Bad
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January 31, 2022Choosing Not to Do Business with Spotify Is Censorship. Now, Here’s a List of Books We Need to Ban
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January 24, 2022“We Need to Get Back to Normal,” I Say, While I Continue to Live My Life Normally, As I Have Throughout This Pandemic
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January 14, 2022Here’s How Time Works in 2022
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December 13, 2021Here at Time Magazine, We’ve Decided This Is One of Those Years We Pick a Person Who Sucks
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November 4, 2021I Am Totally Against Critical Race Theory, and Furthermore, I Have No Clue What It Is
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October 28, 2021I Am Proud to Announce That Starting Today, Our Company Still Sucks Shit
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October 1, 2021“We Should Absolutely Tax the Rich,” I Say as I Sail Away on My Yacht
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September 28, 2021Why I’m Doing My Own Research Before Using a Seat Belt
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September 9, 2021Neo, You Can Take the Blue Pill or You Can Take the Red Pill. Either is Fine, Honestly. Just Don’t Take the Ivermectin
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August 5, 2021We Will Do Anything to Get You to Work for Us Except Pay You Enough
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June 16, 2021How I Saved Enough to Buy a House with My Parents’ Money
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July 15, 2024I Can’t Believe Such a Hateful, Violent Act Could Happen in the Hateful, Violent Era I’ve Created
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July 12, 2024Schedule of Speakers for the 2024 Republican National Convention
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July 16, 2024Hillbilly Elegy Edited for J. D. Vance’s Vice Presidential Campaign
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May 10, 2024What Your Favorite ’90s Band Says About the Kind of Bored Suburban Mom You Are Today
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July 26, 2024I’m a Childless Cat Lady, and If Trump and Vance Win I’m Going to Start a Sexual Relationship with My Couch
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July 26, 2024Skills You Need as President of the United States or Skills You Need as a Stepmom?
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July 26, 2024If They’d Told Me We Were Poor, I Wouldn’t Have Tolerated the Cynics
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July 26, 2024We Went Ahead and Made an AI Olympian