ILLUSTORIA MAGAZINE
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Articles by
Eli Grober
Eli is the author of the satirical essay collection This Won’t Help, listed on the New Yorker’s “Best Books We Read This Week.” He writes the humor newsletter Here’s Something.
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May 20, 2021The Completely Normal, Totally Reasonable Unwritten Rules of Baseball
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April 22, 2021I Will Gladly Explain Why I Hate The Very Hungry Caterpillar, Just As Soon As I Finish Reading All 22 Pages
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April 7, 2021The Only Acceptable Form of Free Speech Is Giving Me Money
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March 23, 2021The Only Way to Prevent Car Crashes Is More Cars
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March 17, 2021The Filibuster Is Important, Except When It Does Not Benefit Me, and Then It Is Bad
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February 17, 2021I’ve Never Tried Your Idea, and Now Everything Is on Fire, and That’s How I Know Your Idea Is Bad
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February 11, 2021I’ve Seen the Evidence, and There’s a Lot of It, and It’s Overwhelming and Very Persuasive, and I’ve Decided to Ignore It
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February 4, 2021The Terrible Things I Have Said and Done My Entire Life, and Right Up Until a Few Days Ago, Do Not Represent Me As a Person
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January 26, 2021I’m Being Censored, and You Can Read, Hear, and See Me Talk About It in the News, on the Radio, and on TV
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January 11, 2021We Are Living in Orwell’s 1984. I Think. I Don’t Know. I Didn’t Read the Book. Who’s Orwell?
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January 4, 2021Here’s How Time Works In 2021
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December 22, 2020Kids, You’re Old Enough to Know: Santa’s Real. And He’s Dangerous.
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November 1, 2024I Will Be Away from My Desk on November 6
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October 28, 2024The Starfleet Gazette Will Not Be Endorsing a Candidate for President of the United Federation of Planets
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August 19, 2024Lest We Forget the Horrors: A Catalog of Trump’s Worst Cruelties, Collusions, Corruptions, and Crimes: The Complete Listing: Atrocities 1–1,056
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October 15, 2024I’m an Undecided Hobbit, Torn Between a Dark Lord Who Promises an Age of Chaos and an Elf Queen Whom I Just Wish I Knew More About