ILLUSTORIA MAGAZINE
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Articles by
Eli Grober
Eli is the author of the satirical essay collection This Won’t Help, listed on the New Yorker’s “Best Books We Read This Week.” He writes the humor newsletter Here’s Something.
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May 20, 2021The Completely Normal, Totally Reasonable Unwritten Rules of Baseball
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April 22, 2021I Will Gladly Explain Why I Hate The Very Hungry Caterpillar, Just As Soon As I Finish Reading All 22 Pages
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April 7, 2021The Only Acceptable Form of Free Speech Is Giving Me Money
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March 23, 2021The Only Way to Prevent Car Crashes Is More Cars
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March 17, 2021The Filibuster Is Important, Except When It Does Not Benefit Me, and Then It Is Bad
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February 17, 2021I’ve Never Tried Your Idea, and Now Everything Is on Fire, and That’s How I Know Your Idea Is Bad
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February 11, 2021I’ve Seen the Evidence, and There’s a Lot of It, and It’s Overwhelming and Very Persuasive, and I’ve Decided to Ignore It
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February 4, 2021The Terrible Things I Have Said and Done My Entire Life, and Right Up Until a Few Days Ago, Do Not Represent Me As a Person
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January 26, 2021I’m Being Censored, and You Can Read, Hear, and See Me Talk About It in the News, on the Radio, and on TV
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January 11, 2021We Are Living in Orwell’s 1984. I Think. I Don’t Know. I Didn’t Read the Book. Who’s Orwell?
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January 4, 2021Here’s How Time Works In 2021
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December 22, 2020Kids, You’re Old Enough to Know: Santa’s Real. And He’s Dangerous.
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July 15, 2024I Can’t Believe Such a Hateful, Violent Act Could Happen in the Hateful, Violent Era I’ve Created
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July 12, 2024Schedule of Speakers for the 2024 Republican National Convention
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July 16, 2024Hillbilly Elegy Edited for J. D. Vance’s Vice Presidential Campaign
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May 10, 2024What Your Favorite ’90s Band Says About the Kind of Bored Suburban Mom You Are Today
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July 26, 2024I’m a Childless Cat Lady, and If Trump and Vance Win I’m Going to Start a Sexual Relationship with My Couch
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July 26, 2024Skills You Need as President of the United States or Skills You Need as a Stepmom?
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July 26, 2024If They’d Told Me We Were Poor, I Wouldn’t Have Tolerated the Cynics
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July 26, 2024We Went Ahead and Made an AI Olympian