“Hold these Cheetos in your hands for as long as you can without eating them.”

“Tell me about your favorite Pink Floyd song in less than 30 seconds.”

“Describe the sound you hear when I tap my nightstick on your head.”

“Count backwards from 1 to 0.”

“I’m going to massage your shoulders. Tell me when to stop.”

“Discuss your favorite moments from Discovery Channel’s Shark Week 2007.”

“See how long you can hold your eyes more than 25% open.”

“Look directly into the flashing lights on my patrol car and try not to say, ‘Awesome.’”

“Try to contemplate this without having your mind blown: Is it possible that our entire universe could be contained on the fingernail of a giant existing in a much larger universe?”

“Now, tell me how many bong hits you’ve had tonight.”