Welcome to Belinda’s Private Equity Immersion Daycare.
Welcome to the online home of Belinda’s Private Equity Immersion Daycare, a Silicon Valley institution. Our philosophy is simple: kids who can properly manage debt-to-income-ratios are more likely to reach their full market potential as adults. At BPEID, we believe in partnering with children, not investors, to create an asset-rich environment where the basics of private equity can be learned via osmosis.
BPEID was established in 2006 when Belinda J. Applebaum, then a junior partner at Treestone Capital and the token female on several corporate boards, left a successful career in finance to pursue her dream of helping youngsters maximize their pre-tax income. She acquired a majority position in Tiny Angels Daycare and immediately ushered the company through Chapter 11 bankruptcy. Thanks to a generous pre-negotiated management fee and a profitable capital equipment auction (slides, cubbies, sippy cups), Belinda was able to found BPEID and turn it into the Montessori-based, multimillion-dollar organization it is today.
The schedule of activities here varies based on the unique needs and capabilities of the children. BPEID kids come from a diverse set of backgrounds: venture capital, investment banking, and of course, private equity. On a given day, we may begin with a crash course in debt waterfalls before moving on to macroeconomic thesis development. Or maybe we start with a proxy battle simulation—there’s just no telling! A three-martini lunch is offered at noon, and then it’s naptime, followed by merger play.
As a result of the recent economic downturn, we are now able to offer a 3:1 ratio of children to MBA’s. All of our staff members are both CPR- and CPA-certified and have undergone an extensive background check to ensure they have a minimal history of white-collar crime.
Full-time tuition is $5,000 a month, plus eight carry points. To schedule a first-round interview for your child, please download the 17-page form below.
SUGGESTED READSDispatches From a Hangdog Bankrupt: Dispatch 2: The Rise and Fall of the Business
by Bill Cotter (6/15/2009)
Would You Like to Join My Start-Down?
by Dan Rozier (10/28/2013)
Pretending To Be Her Daughter, Mrs. Epstein E Mails 5-Year-Old Katie Schuster About A Play Date
by G.F. Snell (2/12/2007)
RECENTLYA Brutally Honest Social Media Job Interview
by Sarah Fader (10/21/2016)
Monologue: Why Won’t You Kids Go to Sleep and Let Me Read Badfinger’s Wikipedia Page in Peace?
by Ben Godar (10/21/2016)
List: 20 Ways to Talk to Me About Your Home-Brewing Hobby
by Darren Hoyt (10/21/2016)
POPULARWhen My Grandkids Ask Me What I Did to Fight American Fascism, I’ll Proudly Tell Them I Tweeted a Few Times
by Sam Spero (10/19/2016)
Moderately Motivated Gen-Xer for Hire
by Melissa Janisin (10/18/2016)
Thanks, Cindy, for Making Eye Contact Through the Bathroom Stall and Making It Super Awkward During the Department Productivity Meeting
by Anna Kemp (10/14/2016)