“Jaime Phillips, who claimed to The Post that Republican Senate nominee [Roy Moore] impregnated her as a teenager, was seen on Monday walking into the headquarters of Project Veritas, a group that uses false cover stories and covert video recordings to expose what it says is media bias.” – The Washington Post, 11/27/17
Greetings, Truth Lovers!
We here at Code Name: Truth Makers have been hard at work these past few weeks trying to work through all the weeds and lies that have been spewing out of the mainstream media. We’ve put in countless hours of work, hired some of the best investigative journalists and video editors in the business, and have subjected our entire staff to twice a week improv workshops in order to prepare for our next epic take down of the liberal elite, and we’re almost there. However, we need one last thing in order to truly push us over the edge, and that, dear reader, is where YOU come in. In order to truly infiltrate leftist propaganda machine, we just need $100,000 dollars in order to buy the disguises we need in order to thoroughly discredit them!
Now, we know that may sound like a lot of money, but please know that we’re not in the business of wasting your hard-earned cash. (We’re not DEMOC-RATS after all!). All of these disguises are going to be used in a systematic point by point take down of every liberal institution, and YOU can say that you were a a part of it!
Here are just a few of the genius plans that we’re going to use your donations for:
- We purchase a pregnant nun costume and infiltrate the New York Times offices. We tell them that while the nun was deep in prayer at the Vatican, Bill O’Reilly busted in and assaulted her. When they run the story as a new scandal, we show the tape of how we faked it and just like that, Bill O’Reilly is back on air and the New York Times building explodes like the Death Star!
- eBay has a pretty sweet astronaut costume that we’ve had our eye on for a while, which got us to thinking: What if we put it on, get an interview on CNN, and claim to be part of a secret government plot to launch Donald Trump’s tax returns into space? Imagine the look on Jake Tapper’s smug face when at the end of the interview, I pop off the helmet of that cool-ass space suit and show everyone that their precious CNN is built on a foundation of lies and deceit!
- Our CGI guy, Mike knows someone who works at Sony and can get us an authentic Spider-Man outfit. It’s so good that when you put it on you just feel like Spider-Man, you know? Well, since Spider-Man is liberal bastion New York’s greatest superhero, we go out and commit crimes while wearing that costume! The Daily Bugle, desperate for a smear piece on Spider-Man, would eat it up! They’d pay big money for pictures of Spider-Man doing crimes and we’ll sell them for months before revealing that we’re not actually the real Spider-Man! (Though that costume is fricking awesome and super convincing).
This is just the start of our plans to nail the libs and we’re not gonna stop until every single leftist institution has been taken down. And before the MSM tries to discredit us, this has NOTHING to do with the Code Name: Truth Maker’s annual costume party scheduled for next week. We’re a serious team of journalists, videographers, make-up artists, and sleight of hand magicians and we resent the accusation that we’d attempt to trick our loyal viewers into paying for the rager to end all ragers.
We’re Code Name: Truth Makers, and we’re here to make the truth you want to hear.