The satisfaction of bolting together his own particleboard furniture from Ikea
Having his own reality show: American Evildoer, or So You Think You Can Oppose a War?
Petroleum-based processed-cheese food products
McDonald’s Fruit & Walnut Salad with the revolutionary green plastic fork
Lite rock, less talk
Unlimited anytime minutes
The visible-thong phenomenon
Co-hosting telethons with Don Henley to save Walden Woods