Amy Barnes and Julie Vick
Forrest Ferguson, Kevin McPherson Eckhoff , David McQuary , Brandon Burkhart, Samantha Gurewitz, Gareth Hedges , Julie Vick, Amy Barnes, Sarah James, Jay McAnallen, Adam Corey, Johnny Brayson, and Andrew Bond
New York Super Fudge Chunk: You report any groups of three or more unaccompanied minors you see in a store to the police.
Karamel Sutra Core: You were kicked out of co-ed yoga for inappropriate attire.
Coconut Seven Layer Bar: You eat Ben & Jerry’s ice cream but have the church pray for your soul afterward.
Pistachio Pistachio: Anarchist Anarchist.
Vanilla: You call your wife “Mother” and gay wedding cakes violate your religious beliefs.
Chunky Monkey: You buy this ice cream because it rhymes. You cannot name another flavor.
Phish Food: You’re gonna spend ten hours eating this one pint of ice cream and then talk about it constantly for the next 20 years.
Chocolate Shake It: You like to bring the boys to the yard but then you hide in the closet and eat ice cream by yourself.
AmeriCone Dream: You are a Trump supporter who didn’t understand that the The Colbert Report was satire.
Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough: Solid. You are solid. There are fifteen people just like you in this grocery store right now and they all live fine, solid lives.
Chocolate Therapy: You can’t afford real therapy.
Any Dairy-Free Flavor: Moral alignment strong, intestinal alignment poor.
Keep Caramel & Cookie On: You love misogynistic web content and have diabetes.
Schweady Balls: The gym world owes you something and that something is not having to wipe down your workout bench.
Caramel Peppermint: You don’t know what you stand for.
Truffle Kerfuffle: You collect cutesy bullshit instead of having a personality.
Chip off the Dough Block: You are disappointed that your children inherited your gigantic hips and small breasts.
The Tonight Dough: You think anything — the moon, the concept of time, the symptoms of salmonella, etc. — is funny.
Chubby Hubby: You share the social outlook of most 2000s sitcom husbands.
Cherry Garcia: You have your own beat-up ice cream truck with a mattress and marijuana garden in the back.