A ham and cheese sandwich, no condiments: Your name is Doug or Tom and you often forget to cut the tags off new clothes.

A Caesar salad you bought: You had more beer than you meant to at happy hour last night and you’re going to start your new year’s resolution to do SolidCore every day at 6 AM tomorrow, even though it’s April.

A kale salad you made: You were student council president in high school and have a bad habit of watching people edit your Google docs. You have an app that reminds you to water your sad desk plants. You’re already planning a themed watch party for Prince Harry and Meghan Markle’s wedding.

A frozen entree: You often set up an “out of office” auto email response for your one-hour dentist appointment. You and your spouse have sex every Tuesday night after Maddow and you are especially prone to getting catfished.

A peanut butter and jelly sandwich: You have three children under the age of ten and the last one was an accident. You’ve been working on your first novel for twelve and a half years.

Chipotle: Your Tinder bio is blank. You respond to everything your boss says with “great,” “cool,” and “awesome.” Your parents usually just give you cash for Christmas.

Black coffee: You have ADHD, mansplain at meetings, and are an irrationally competitive tic-tac-toe player.

Vending machine snacks: You’re 22. You spent your last paycheck on multiple rounds of tequila shots. You go to concerts and barely hear the music because you’re too busy Snapchatting the whole thing.

Home cooked leftovers from dinner: You follow mostly food bloggers and dogs on Instagram. One time you tweeted something that got 300 likes and it’s still pinned to the top of your page.

Delivery to the office from the place across the street: Really? Come on. You should try that meditation app you downloaded and never used.

Free meeting leftovers in the office kitchen: You don’t have a morning routine and your fridge is mostly full of condiments and old boxed wine. You take the same Buzzfeed quizzes over again until you get the results you want.

Lunch anywhere but your desk: You’re not sad and you shouldn’t be reading this list. Enjoy that Vitamin D, asshole.