When you are the first voter at the polling place, the poll workers shower you with oleander and rub your feet with exotic oils infused with bergamot and myrrh. When you are the first voter, they record your name on an ornate gold leaf trophy of the goddess Athena for the sake of posterity. When you are the first voter, the poll workers sing your praises through the entire process with a bespoke cheer until your voting card is scanned. When you are the first voter, they place one technical and one non-technical hex on a frenemy of your choosing. When you are the first voter, they name a star, a river, and a new Crayola crayon color after you. When you are the first voter, the mayor calls you and allows you five minutes of uninterrupted time to speak your mind. When you are the first voter, they time the subway trains to match your schedule for an entire week. When you are the first voter, the City Council bestows upon you the award for Most Democratic Citizen of the Year. When are the first voter, you get the first I VOTED sticker from the polling place.
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