1. Your favorite brunch order is:
a) something easy on the system.
b) a Big Breakfast.
c) a three-egg omelet with pepper spray.
d) a benelux bagel.
e) tea cake.
f) something greasy.
2. Your cocktail parties are famous for:
b) under-the-breath titters of “Who invited South Africa?”
c) the elaborate costuming and obligatory family photo.
d) you can join, but you cannot leave.
e) the games.
f) never using up the full bar tab.
3. Your catchphrase is:
a) “We care to share.”
b) “Let’s get together and make a new global reserve currency.”
c) “Party at Barack’s!”
d) “Friends with few benefits.”
f) “Opening hearts and mines.”
4. When drunk, you tend to:
a) climb up on the table and belt out the anthem.
b) flirt with Indonesia and Turkey.
c) embarrass yourself dancing on camera.
d) feel the hangover for years to come.
e) meet your life partner.
f) wake up with a dry mouth and raging oil price spike behind the temples.
5. Your leadership style is:
a) a workshop, not a talk shop.
d) a judgmental exhale that speaks volumes.
e) N/A. You no longer have to lead.
f) Hold that thought.
6. You believe everybody’s free:
a) if their particular government decides they are.
b) to let market forces decide.
c) to wear sunscreen.
d) but probably unemployed.
e) to enjoy sausage sandwiches.
f) to listen to what Saudi Arabia has to say.
7. Third base is:
a) hoisting the flag.
e) overhand bowling.
f) guzzling in the back seat.
8. Your favorite workout is:
a) attracting youth.
d) starting over.
e) lawn games.
f) capacity building.
Tally up your answers!
You are the Association of Southeast Asian Nations. You enjoy people-centered celebration, and are committed to world peace, unless someone has a better idea. You are known for throwing the best bloc party, and can do a mean Frank Sinatra cover. Sometimes you’ll enter a room and think, “I have no idea what I came here to achieve,” but your 200,000 friends love you just the same.
You are the BRICS. An effervescent internationalist and part-time authoritarian, you have an outsized personality and huuuge GDP. Like Tango and Cash, you sometimes team up with your complete opposite to work for the common good or to string up a really good zip line. You are sensitive about your hardscrabble roots.
You are the Asia-Pacific Economic Cooperation. You’re fashion-forward, and can make an ensemble sing, whether in a batik shirt or standing next to Suharto. You’re naturally gregarious, and while you won’t invite everyone to your parties, you will allow them to watch. You like to build a free-trade agreement first and ask later.
You are the European Union. You come from a large family and start projects with abandon before typically abandoning them half-finished. Your biggest export is your ability to pass the buck, typically to ailing relatives or banks. You make fine leather products, including “old man on beach” and “man who rode too far.”
You are the Commonwealth of Nations. Your Christmas decorations have been up since 1901, but you can’t be bothered to formally take them down because they’re only ornamental anyway, really. You take great joy in ribbing family members, but God save any bastard that pokes fun and isn’t on the inside. You enjoy fantasy sports, including a global tourney you’ve named the “Commonwealth Games.”
You are the Organization of the Petroleum Exporting Countries. You are determined not to repeat your parents’ mistakes, and sit awake on planes worrying that you have left the taps on at home. At night, you hog the coffers.