“The Trump administration is preparing to redirect resources of the Justice Department’s civil rights division toward investigating and suing universities over affirmative action admissions policies deemed to discriminate against white applicants.” — The New York Times, 8/1/17

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1. What is White People Discrimination?

A. It’s when your lackluster grades are not enough to get you into an Ivy League college unless your father is an alumni

B. It’s when your poor high school performance does not impress the admissions of an elite university unless your grandfather remembered them in his will

C. It’s when an offensive, inept and unstable narcissist becomes president of the United States and people keep bringing up the whole “birther” thing that he lied about for eight years

D. All of the above

2. Why are some people so angry about White People Discrimination?

A. Because Fox News told them it’s a thing

B. Because they have never properly come to terms with the fact that this country was built on slavery

C. Because Donald Trump is the president

D. All of the above

3. Who is adversely affected by White People Discrimination?

A. Mediocre White men

B. Members of the GOP

C. The president

D. None of the above

4. Why are Attorney General Sessions and President Trump so concerned with White People Discrimination?

A. The attorney general is a racist

B. So is the president

C. Majority of those with “All Lives Matter” on their Twitter profile voted for Trump

D. All of the above

5. How can people stop White People Discrimination?

A. Sue colleges that don’t admit them, even when they didn’t have the grades to be admitted

B. Keep on keepin’ on

C. It’s a trick question because this fake quiz is trying to impress upon the reader that this whole issue is a mendacious fabrication of the alt-right

D. Really, it’s not a thing. The kind of discrimination which needs to be addressed is the kind that targets marginalized and underprivileged groups. If a Black person wasn’t nice to you while you were getting your morning coffee, that is not systematic discrimination — it’s just something unpleasant that happened. Get a life.