Send your list submissions to firstname.lastname@example.org.
Yngwie Malmsteen or Spinal Tap?
BY DAVID LEWIS and SIMON FRENCH
[Originally published September 21, 2003.]
1. “Absence makes the heart grow fonder… When we were active, we tended to become less popular.”
2. “In Japan and other countries, I’m as popular as ever… It [the most recent album] did not do well in America because it did not get promoted.”
3. “It made me realize that I’m at my best when I’m cornered.”
4. “First of all, I don’t like auditions. Let those boys like Beck and Clapton fight it out with each other. Let me watch and laugh.”
5. “I don’t think anyone’s ever said to Eric Clapton, ‘You know, Eric, you’ve been playing the same licks for twenty-five years. Why don’t you play something different?’”
6. “I’m not really quoting it [Rodrigo’s ‘Concierto de Arajuez’]… When I do it in the context of a rock and roll song, it’s a whole new thing.”
7. “I did a classical piece in the middle of a real heavy song called ‘No Mercy.’ It’s a real attention getter.”
8. “That’s one of those rumors that you hear. I think it’s just based on jealousy.”
9. “There are easier ways of playing this, but that’s not the point.”
10. “When I was asked to play slower, I said ‘This is slower.’”
11. “They used to talk about the ‘chunk’; now it’s about the ‘crunch.’ Basically, it’s what feels right, rather than what sounds right.”
12. “I’ve found the best way to get a good rhythm sound is to crank up to 11.”
13. “While I appreciate jazz, I was never a very big fan.”
14. “What good are people who do that jazzy sort of stuff? It’s all too low-volume… What are they trying to hide? What have they got to be embarrassed about?”
15. “I can create something on the spur of the moment and can’t remember it the next minute.”
16. “What’s important is not the amount of notes that you play… Can you remember what you played? If you can’t, why did you play it?”
Spinal Tap: 1, 4, 6, 8, 9, 11, 14, 16.
Yngwie Malmsteen: 2, 3, 5, 7,10, 12, 13, 15.
(Source: Guitar World Magazine, April 1992.)
SUGGESTED READSLet’s Listen to My Favorite Song Together
by Joe Berkowitz (9/13/2010)
Do They Know It’s Christmas After All?
by Henry Alford (1/4/2000)
I Write Short Books About the Popular Bands of the Day. Here Is My Story. (Episode 1.)
by Catherine Zymet (5/29/2000)
RECENTLYSuper Powers I Wish I Had
by Josh Herman (7/29/2016)
Monologue: Donatello Will Have You Know That If the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Were Little Women, Raphael Would Totally Be Amy
by Philip Wolfe (7/29/2016)
List: Demands from California Delegation BernieBros to NOT Disrupt Hillary Clinton’s Acceptance Speech
by Christopher Monks and John Warner (7/28/2016)
POPULARList: Comforting Thoughts for #NeverHillary Bernie Supporters After Trump’s First Term
by David Kawalec (7/26/2016)
These Smart Swimming Trunks Automatically Remind You to Be Self-Conscious!
by Chris Brotzman (7/22/2016)
List: Who Said It? Donald Trump or Regina George?
by Amber Karlins (7/22/2016)